not wanting to have sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2004
not wanting to have sex
3
Sun, 04-18-2004 - 9:17pm
My gf and I( both 25 yrs) were together for 6 years after which she wanted to take a "break". We had broken up for a year and half and we both saw other people and had sex with other people. However, we were still in close contact and we even lived together for 5 weeks during this time, which did cause alto fo tension. I finally decided to end it completely in January because I couldn't deal with her being with anyone else as I knwo she is the "one" for me and I couldn't be just a "friend" at this time. I started dating someone else for awhile btu ended it and during this time, I had not kept in contact with my ex. She called me sometime in February and I was open about everything I was doing and everythign I had done. She told me how she has had her space and she finally realised that I am the person she is suppose to be with forever. We descided to try again and have been trying since February. Everythgn is GREAT except the sex scene. We are both mentally stimulated by each other, we LOVE spending time with each other and doing things together, we're both very romanitc with each other and we LOVE sleeping and cuddling and we both know that we are perfect for each other in ever way possible. However, she does not have any sexual urges towards me no more as she did before. SHe says she doesn't feel the need to be intimate with me. We are both very sexual people but I do not what is wrong.In the past we were both very sexual with each other and couldn't keep our hands off each other. I do not know if our"pasts" are affecting this. We have both confessed our past and my past seems to bother her quite a bit even though she has done more than I have. SHe feel in love with someone else, however, realised that even though she luved that boy, he wasn't the right one for her and during their time together woudl always think abotu me and talk abotu me and compare him to me. He is currently in the picture as just a friend as she says she wants to keep him in her life as he is a good friend but we both knwo that he wants differently and he has made it clear. She has told him how it is between them and how it has to be because she wants to be with me, but it does cause some tension. I do not know what I can do to help this sexual situation and what I can do to help her get over her intimacy issues with me BUT we both want this to work. We are very sure of how we both feel about each other and I do not want to lose the one person I am suppose to spend the rest of my life with.

HELP!!!!!


Edited 4/18/2004 9:32 pm ET ET by scared00

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 2:00pm
Would the two of you be willing to go to couple's counseling to help discuss things?

Reading material:

The Dance of Intimacy, Harriet Lerner

Relationship Rescue by Phil McGraw

The 10 Second Kiss, Ellen Kreidman

Passionate Marriage, David Schnarch


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2004
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 5:02pm
Yeh we would definitely be willing to go to couples therapy but I wanted to see if that is the only option...SHe is very hung up liek i said on my past and it turns her off and well I was hoping there was something else i coudl try.

thanx,

scared

Which of those books do u recommend...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 5:22pm
Relationship Rescue by Phil McGraw

It talks about specific areas in a relationship that are important to each of you and gives exercises to help you discuss your needs.


Carrie