Now what?!?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2008
Now what?!?!
8
Sun, 08-24-2008 - 9:28am

I have been on and off with this girl for 4 yrs. We broke up about 2 months ago now and she has sinced moved to Mexico to teach for a year. We haven't talked for about a month until this week when I e-mailed her just asking how shes doing down there and the basic stuff. She sent me one back agin just basic and asking how I was doing so again I repsonded just basic stuff.


The big thing for me is I don't want to push anything because I truely love this girl. I want to send her a package I'm just not sure when a good time would be to send it and what I should all send in it. The other thing I worry about is I'm not sure when to tell her how I feel about her still.


My biggest worry of all is that since she see's me still wanting her that she'll just continue taking time because she knows she can have me back whenever. The hard part is I don't want to sto talking to her or anything like that because I don't want to lose her. I never would have thought you could feel so strongly about a person, thanks for taking the time to read this and any advice would be great.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2008
In reply to: stuckandlost
Sun, 08-24-2008 - 9:58am

I'm not sure about anyone else...but you need to realize that life is to short to wait and see.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
In reply to: stuckandlost
Sun, 08-24-2008 - 4:14pm

"

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: stuckandlost
Mon, 08-25-2008 - 6:52pm

Here's your previous posts for others to catch up on your situation:


Insight needed


Back again


Sounds to me you are at the same place as the previous postings.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2008
In reply to: stuckandlost
Mon, 08-25-2008 - 7:10pm
From reading your previous posts, it sounds to me as though you have already tried this approach. While I agree with the other poster about making your feelings known, you only need to do that once. When my boyfriend broke up with me, I was devastated, so I left it like this: "I realize things may not have worked out, but if you ever feel as though you made a mistake, or want to get back together, please don't hold it in and at least let me know." It may not have been the best thing to do, but I felt complete closure by knowing that I'd told him he could always make his feelings known to me, no matter what. After the letter and other contact you've made, I don't see the need for a package. She'll let you know if she wants to get back together. I know it's hard, but that's just how it is. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2008
In reply to: stuckandlost
Tue, 08-26-2008 - 10:16am

Hi thanks for the replies everyone, I;m sure some of you are just shaking your head when you read these, and I'm sorry for that. As for the letter she didn't get it before she left. As for the package I'm not expecting to send uit and have her come running back into my arms.


I believe the time we are taking apart is very important. I am going to be backpacking for 3 months as of November and I really believe its something I need to do. I have lost touch with myself and thats not a good thing when you want to get in a relationship...actually you can't get in a relationship when you forgot who you are as a person.


Again thank you for your replies they are greatly appreciated, even though some of them are hard to take.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2008
In reply to: stuckandlost
Tue, 08-26-2008 - 1:49pm

So, are you on a break or broken up? If you are broken up, then there is no "taking time." You need to move on. I realize you've been on and off, but when someone moves to another country, it greatly reduces the chance of getting back together. A lot will change with her, as with you when you take your trip.

Waiting around isn't going to make her come back any faster, if at all. You need to grieve for the loss of the relationship and then attempt to move on (not with anyone, just in general)). If the two of you never get back together and she starts dating someone else, you will be kicking yourself for how long you waited.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2008
In reply to: stuckandlost
Tue, 08-26-2008 - 2:34pm
Taking a break means break-up .You have broken-up and blew up the chance you had with her.she is gone and might have forgotten you as well. Giving too much space and waiting for her to make a move wont help.
The distance also is against you.what can you do ? except go backbacking ! When you had the chance,you didnt do anything.
There is a nice supportive board " breaking up is hard to do", you may want to go there.
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: stuckandlost
Tue, 08-26-2008 - 2:41pm

You have been on and off for 4 years...why off? Is it her? Who is the one who doesn't want things to go forward? In order for this relationship to work you have to understand what the obstacle is, what is causing things to break up over and over again. Just not talking, just waiting and hoping is not going to fix whatever it is that is going wrong. It's important to be open and honest with each other, to find out what the problem is and see if it can be worked on. If you can correct what isn't working, then you have a chance. But just hoping can only lead to pain and a lot of lost chances.


Best wishes,