As someone who is going through a hard time with my husband right now as well-- he's suddenly like a stranger to me: distant, doesn't want to spend time, unsure he wants to be married to me -- I would make sure that taking that step of divorce is what you BOTH absolutely want before doing anything.
Perhaps get into couple's therapy? Or try a trial separation? To me, if your heart is telling you you're not ready, then you owe it to yourself to at least try to work on things before you take that final step. And I wouldn't try to pick apart what he's saying to get to what he means -- if he truly believes he wants a divorce and he's through with the marriage, he'll tell you. No one wants to go through the motions and hurt someone in the meantime if they really know it's not what they want.
When people don't know what else to do, they split. Everyone has conflicting feelings in a relationship. If he says he loves you, believe him. If he is acting strangely realize he doesn't know what else to do. Before you call it quits, it sounds as though the two of you really need to go for counseling. Get a well trained marriage counselor and sit down with some professional help and talk things through. once communication is open, once you both learn how to express your needs and feelings and how to listen to the other, many things are possible. Many men feel love and don't know how to show it. It doesn't mean the love isn't there, it just means they need to learn how.
You can always say good-bye. Let that be a last resort. Before you do, give this a chance. By trying to work things through with good help, you'll learn a lot about yourself and your relationship and whatever you finally choose, it will help in the future.
Marriage counseling is not an option, not for my husband anyway. He does not believe in counseling of any kind and is adamantly opposed. Currently we have agreed to take things one day at a time and are walking around like polite strangers. There has been no talk of any of the issues. Knowing my husband the way I do, I am afraid that his unwillingness to admit that he really does want a divorce comes from several things.Inability/unwillingness to
From my own experience, people that "are not sure if they want to be married" aren't mentally splitting up possessions and figuring out the financials.
As someone who is going through a hard time with my husband right now as well-- he's suddenly like a stranger to me: distant, doesn't want to spend time, unsure he wants to be married to me -- I would make sure that taking that step of divorce is what you BOTH absolutely want before doing anything.
Perhaps get into couple's therapy? Or try a trial separation? To me, if your heart is telling you you're not ready, then you owe it to yourself to at least try to work on things before you take that final step. And I wouldn't try to pick apart what he's saying to get to what he means -- if he truly believes he wants a divorce and he's through with the marriage, he'll tell you. No one wants to go through the motions and hurt someone in the meantime if they really know it's not what they want.
Welcome to the board,
What are you doing to try to fix the issues in your marriage right now. Is marriage counseling an option?
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<< Am I losing my mind or missing something here? >>
When people don't know what else to do, they split. Everyone has conflicting feelings in a relationship. If he says he loves you, believe him. If he is acting strangely realize he doesn't know what else to do. Before you call it quits, it sounds as though the two of you really need to go for counseling. Get a well trained marriage counselor and sit down with some professional help and talk things through. once communication is open, once you both learn how to express your needs and feelings and how to listen to the other, many things are possible. Many men feel love and don't know how to show it. It doesn't mean the love isn't there, it just means they need to learn how.
You can always say good-bye. Let that be a last resort. Before you do, give this a chance. By trying to work things through with good help, you'll learn a lot about yourself and your relationship and whatever you finally choose, it will help in the future.
Best wishes,
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From my own experience, people that "are not sure if they want to be married" aren't mentally splitting up possessions and figuring out the financials.
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