numb..found fiance on ALT.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2008
numb..found fiance on ALT.com
37
Sat, 12-27-2008 - 8:46pm
I really need opinions from the expert and men. My fiance and I have dated 3 years and they have been great except for a few glitches I will mention. 9 months into our relationship I found out he had a secret Myspace with past girlfriends and I was unhappy about this. He only deleted it after I asked him if it would be alright if I had a MS full of men I had slept with. It's so juvenile..he's 40. anyway, I thought all that was in the distant past. 6 months ago we became engaged. In the last 3 months I've noted suspicious behavior again...minimizing pages when I come up, and deleting the browser history....but he always tells me he's hurt that I don't completely trust him, so I ignored it. Anyway, just before Christmas I guess he got distracted and on the browser history was a login to his profile on ALT.com. I can't believe it. He has always told me he's so not into that kind of stuff when I quiz him. Even when I just talk a bit racy to him, he says "since when did this conversation turn into porn?" We sometimes watch movies to spice things up so I am definitely not a prude. He admits he was a playboy before he met me, and when ever I ask him if he ever has a hard time with monogomy, he adamantly denies such. I can't believe what he said on the site...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Fri, 01-02-2009 - 11:21pm

I would postpose any wedding plans until this issue is completely dealt with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Sat, 01-03-2009 - 1:04pm

oh sweety dont teach him a lesson.


Look at this situation without emotion.


1.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2008
Sat, 01-03-2009 - 7:51pm
thank you all for your thoughts. After reading Anna's post, and others,I see that he likely is splitting his life into two parts. One with me, a very privileged life with many perks, and the other his playboy dark side that appears to be rearing its head close to a time of lifetime commitment. yesterday I asked him what he needed in a life relationship, and the third thing he said was TRUST!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Sat, 01-03-2009 - 8:07pm

Just as he needs to trust you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2008
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 1:55am
Yesterday I had a talk with him about what we each think monogomy is. I said, basically cheating is doing anything that if your lover saw you do it, he or she would be upset. I said, "we have had problems over the internet before so I am going to ask you, have you put up any profiles on any websites in the last six months??? Amateur Whore.com, crazy lifestyle.com, anything.?? He said of course no. I doubt very many people would incriminate themselves this easily. I said, you had better not, because if I find out you have some profile where you plan to chat with ho tramps, you will come home to find the locks changed, the checking account closed, the visa cards cancelled, and your clothes in the driveway. I said I know you used to be on sites (his amateurmatchwhore site really ///////me off. but again it was not active and I could see from the history he never paid or directly talked to any ho, just read their comeons to him...) He said I don't do that anymore. Besides, it's kind of sick.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2008
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 11:12am

Ok, I think I've read enough.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2008
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 4:28pm
Wow...no one sees any up side to my relationship. I think I'm going to be almost physically ill. I am still in disbelief when I see the profile. I guess I know what I have to do. Thanks for all your opinions.

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