old love vs. new love
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| Mon, 02-09-2004 - 1:22pm |
I have a lot of questions right now and would appreciate any advice. I have a bf that I live with and I love him but at the same time I always think that we are so different that it won't work out in the long run. I find it strange that I can love someone but at the same time I feel like we are not right together. Is this what relationships are like? My parents say that lots of people love each other and drive each other crazy at the same time and this is a normal relationship. However, I question this viewpoint. I don't think this has to be. Am I wrong?
To add to this confusion for me, I recently encountered a guy I used to be in love with but we could never really date seriously because we lived in different places, or then one of us had a Bf or GF, or we were away at school etc..currently I live in India but I am home for a few weeks right now. I agreed to meet him in a group situation because I really didn't think I still had strong feelings for him but of course suprise, suprise. As soon as I took one look at him I felt everything I used to times 10. We ended up alone together talking and kissing. It was so amazing and I just felt like I wanted to be with him more than anything in the world. We bonded right away when we first met 4 years ago, it was scary. Anyway, he invited me to stay with him for a week but of course I said no, because I have a bf. I even cried because I felt so guily about betraying my bf. Now the thing is I feel just the way I used to about this guy but of course we can't date yet again because we live in different countries. I am kind of a fatalsitic person and I believe this other guy is still in my mind after 4 years for a reason. What can I do to get this person out of my mind, or should I even try? I don't think I should tell my bf because why hurt him when this thing that happened isn't going to lead to anything.
I just want to add that this guy and I exchange emails regularly (nothing romantic, just friendly banter) and I do think of him all the time. How can I love my bf and this guy at the same time? Is it possible? Please help me! Thanks.

Pianoguy suggests you listen to a song called: "DID YOU EVER HAVE TO MAKE UP YOUR MIND" by The Lovin' Spoonful. Granted...the slant of the lyric is toward a male...but the message can certainly be transferred.
You need to decide if you want the stability of one man...or the freedom to date as many men as you want. If you truly don't feel your current b/f is "right for you"...then you have be honest with your feelings and tell him.
BUT...if you're inventing excuses to reconnect with the "former flame"---THINK LONG AND HARD BEFORE YOU SAY OR DO SOMETHING STUPID! There are reasons people come into our lives briefly..and then..."vanish!"
And should you decide to keep company with the man you were infatuated with...instead of the man you're currently with...you might be in for a RUDE AWAKENING.
Think this out...carefully and S-L-O-W-L-Y before you do anything.
Pianoguy
1.
James
janderson_ny@yahoo.com
CL Ask A Guy
James, some of your points I think you are right about. What I am doing is totally disrespectful to my boyfriend. There is no way I can deny that. And actually, as for that other guy being 'worrisome' because he would go for me when I have a bf, I am just as bad because we got together for a year while he had a gf. I suppose I have a lot of thinking to do because you are right, I shouldn't disrespect our relationship. However, I don't think I am ruining my bf's life, that is kind of harsh. It is so hard to get up the courage or whatever it is to walk away from someone you love because you think it may not be right in the future. I am a confused girl. Thanks for the pointers, I don't mind when people tell it like it is.