Old problems arise again!!!
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Old problems arise again!!!
| Thu, 05-06-2004 - 1:55pm |
Well I`m confused again with my boyfriends attitude, we are both living together again after a split of six months. Everything was great, if not better than ever then BANG! like a bolt from the blue he turned into a zombie again. He works 12 hour shifts 4 days on 4 days off, so I know this can mess with your sleep etc, however he`s gone off sex, moved into spare room, won`t do anything, stays in bed ALL day, ignores me just want`s to be left alone all the time, tonight for example he just went to work without saying goodbye, he wont eat proberly he`s becoming more withthrawn each day, this happened before which is why he left because I got so frustrated because he wont give me a proper reason, after we split he was ok with me, now he`s depressed again. I`m not sure what the best thing to do is as I don`t want to lose him again, should I just ignore it give him space, as talking just develops into an aurgument.
Jofazer.

I think you might be right, thing is he will not admit he has a problem, and it only occurs occasionally, I agree he needs help but how do you get some one you love very much to see a therapist etc? I can`t see him going for it without a fight.HELP!
its hard for many people to admit that they have problems and need to see a doctor, psychiatrist, therapist, amd that they may need medication. sometimes people with 'obvious' problems continue to resist because they are afraid that something 'else' is wrong with them, so they go thru life suffering, not being able to function, losing jobs, kids, wives, friends, and still won't get the help that is out there.
how do i know? i was (actually i still am...) married to a guy like that. sometimes he was ok, sometimes not. so when he was in an 'ok' stage - it made me think that the 'not ok' stage was a sometimes thing. but its kinda like a toothache - it usually MEANS something is wrong, and if you don't deal with it at the initial pain, then it gets worse and worse, and the treatment is harder. and it doesn't just GO AWAY, sometimes you can mask the pain, but its still there.
i am sorry to be the bearer of bad news - but if he DOESN"T get help, then this relationship will not work out. i really think its just not possible to have along term relationship with someone who is depressed and won't get help. talk to him - plain and simple. explain to him the 'facts' as you see them, and tell him that you love him and want to help him.
just my 2 cents.
Dandelion
It sounds as though your boyfriend may be in the grip of clinical depression, which can be cyclical - coming and going. He needs to be seen by a doctor, diagnoised and perhaps have medication prescribed. Certainly, therapy would be useful, but he may not be accessible to it at this point. His behavior is evidence of an illness. It is not your fault and there is nothing you can do to make it better. All you can do is to help him realize that he needs help and to get it. Otherwise, this could well becoming a continual pattern in his life. Living with someone like this, who is not getting the help he needs, is not wise, because naturally his illness then affects your entire life as well.
Best wishes.
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