If the relationship is going to be able to be fixed, you are going to have to be able to forgive him and learn to trust him again. I don't think if that is something you will be able to do.
I do believe people can change... BUT only if they are committed to fixing the problem FOR themselves. It takes owning up to what you did, working hard to fix the issue, and with something like this individual counseling and couples counseling.
YOU did not cause him to cheat... that was his choice and he is responsible for that...until he stops making excuses for why it happened, looks inside himself, and want to fix the problem it will happen again.
Love is not enough... a relationship needs a solid foundation and that includes, trust, honesty, and respect. He has none of those things for himself, you or the relationship or he wouldn't have cheated to start with. If you don't love and respect yourself first and foremost you can't give or receive that from someone else.
thanks for the advice, I am in indivdual counseling right now. trying to figure everything out. and overall I'm just trying to learn how to make myself happy, without looking to others i.e. my husband to make me feel better about
Cheating can become an addiction and also a way to deal with problem in the relationship that a person doesn't know how to handle. Obviously, both of you have many issues with intimacy and communication. It's natural to wonder if you can trust him again after all of this has gone on, but the real answer is that he needs to have intensive, individual therapy with a well trained person who is able to help him deal with what happened, understand why it happened and help him learn how to deal with a relationship in the present time. You both need relationship skills, how to communicate, and also to find resolution for your differences. As he loves you, and as you have a child, I think it always worth making a real effort to see if these issues can be worked out. There's always time to say good bye. If you take him back, it must be only under the condition that he is willing to committ to intensive, disciplined therapy with a really fine person. And for you to get some help as well, in working through fear and lack of trust.
When two individuals come through a hard time like this, take responsibility for their problems and solve them, they can become even closer. At the very least both of you will grow and not repeat these patterns in future relationships.
Welcome to the board eibbaaliza,
If the relationship is going to be able to be fixed, you are going to have to be able to forgive him and learn to trust him again. I don't think if that is something you will be able to do.
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I do believe people can change... BUT only if they are committed to fixing the problem FOR themselves. It takes owning up to what you did, working hard to fix the issue, and with something like this individual counseling and couples counseling.
YOU did not cause him to cheat... that was his choice and he is responsible for that...until he stops making excuses for why it happened, looks inside himself, and want to fix the problem it will happen again.
Love is not enough... a relationship needs a solid foundation and that includes, trust, honesty, and respect. He has none of those things for himself, you or the relationship or he wouldn't have cheated to start with. If you don't love and respect yourself first and foremost you can't give or receive that from someone else.
Good luck
That is the most important start you can give yourself..... you must be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else.
>I have more confidence I might be able to make better decisions about my future and the marriage.. <
Yes you will and you deserve better, when you believe that things will get better for you.
Hopefully your husband will seek counseling for himself also, and you can work this out if that is what you both want...
Good luck with everything.
Cheating can become an addiction and also a way to deal with problem in the relationship that a person doesn't know how to handle. Obviously, both of you have many issues with intimacy and communication. It's natural to wonder if you can trust him again after all of this has gone on, but the real answer is that he needs to have intensive, individual therapy with a well trained person who is able to help him deal with what happened, understand why it happened and help him learn how to deal with a relationship in the present time. You both need relationship skills, how to communicate, and also to find resolution for your differences. As he loves you, and as you have a child, I think it always worth making a real effort to see if these issues can be worked out. There's always time to say good bye. If you take him back, it must be only under the condition that he is willing to committ to intensive, disciplined therapy with a really fine person. And for you to get some help as well, in working through fear and lack of trust.
When two individuals come through a hard time like this, take responsibility for their problems and solve them, they can become even closer. At the very least both of you will grow and not repeat these patterns in future relationships.
All good wishes,
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