once gay? always gay?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2008
once gay? always gay?
10
Sun, 11-02-2008 - 11:16pm
I haven't told a single soul the truth about my relationship. I married to a very thoughtful man, who once upon a time was in a gay relationship for five years. I met him two years after he ended that relationship along with any other gay associations( so I thougt). I got the shock of my life this week when I answered the a knock at the door. It was a police officer with a warrant to arrest my husband for public lewdness. The issue I later found out from my husband occured when he went to a local park and attempted relations with a stranger, who turned out to be an undercover cop. This incident happened last year a month before we were married. Now I am at a loss. I love my husband so much a i believe that he loves me. I can't even deal with this situation becuase I don't want to add stress to him while there is an impending court case. He told me that that was the first and only time that he has attempted that and he no longer has those feelings for the opposite sex. Do I believe him? Am I stupid to think that this can be simply resolved? I haven't even had time to feel hurt yet, im too shocked
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 11-03-2008 - 12:46am

Welcome to the board atap08,


Could be he's bi-sexual.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2008
Mon, 11-03-2008 - 1:33am
Now that your husbands desires are out of the closet, add this new finding to improve your relationship together. Just making a quick decision to end the relationship will only where the court system and lawyers and others who feed off such situations. This nation is change whether the Christian rule makers will do what ever they try to stop. Their are many people in ever town across America are in deep denial regarding how they handle sexual relationships. Last week I visited a sex shop for primarily women. I was amazed at how many women stopped in that shop while I took my time to explore their inventory. I also stopped in the cities spa for men only. There is area for sexual contact. The place was very crowded, especially the wet steam room with the dim lights. Who are all those men have sex? If you in a large city maybe suggest to your wonderful husband, the next time he gets the taste for the body of another man, visit a bath house, etc..
Men need stable relationships to enjoy life. Our society is not spreading the pleasure our bodies crave. To many people not willing to open up their minds to the pleasures of sex, many are all consumed with violence against each other. Sexual freedom has not destroyed countries who have sexual permissive laws governing their people.
You should feel very luck to get that court order. Now your husband and you can strengthen your relationship. Cheating is a term which should be removed from the dictionary. The word should be used only when describing an act where one person is, say masturbating by themselves!
Avatar for tobermory
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2001
Mon, 11-03-2008 - 7:00am

Basically, yes. This does not mean he is not interested in you, but he will likely always be attracted to men and that itch will eventually need to be scratched. I have many, many gay friends, and those who identified themselves as bisexual all, by the time they were in their mid-30s, were only sleeping with same sex partners. It sounds like your husband really doesn't want to be gay, and that this marriage is all part of that, but I think you both need therapy to work through this - he especially to determine what makes him so unhappy with his/ or at least part of his/ sexual orientation.

Good Luck to you sweetie, you have a lot of thinking to do.

Tobermory

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 11-03-2008 - 11:02am

Welcome to the board,


Sounds like he could be bi-sexual to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Mon, 11-03-2008 - 12:42pm
I think that he'll always have a craving for that and unless you permit that indulgence in some fashion you'll always end up feeling betrayed because he'll end up doing it anyway.
Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-03-2008 - 12:56pm
Regardless of his sexual preference, he attempted to cheat.
Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-03-2008 - 12:57pm
Woops, sorry!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Mon, 11-03-2008 - 2:32pm

Personally, I don't believe in bi-sexuality.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2008
Mon, 11-03-2008 - 4:52pm
Thank you for all the posts. He has not given me any indiction that he wants the marriage to end or that he wants to continue to have gay encounters. I do agree, we will have to go to counseling and deal with the issue of cheating and his sexual issues/prefrences. In the mix of all of this are the kids, by the end of december we will have our third child born to us in the course of a year ( we had a set of twins in march and single due in december). So I know that no rash decision can be made, which is why I think I have not even attempted to deal with the situation, we have to get through the court case and the new birth before we can truly focus on us. Thank you for listening, it is nice to get this off my chest, I don't have a soul that I feel comfortable diverging such personal info to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Mon, 11-03-2008 - 6:46pm

<< He has not given me any indiction that he wants the marriage to end or that he wants to continue to have gay encounters. I do agree, we will have to go to counseling and deal with the issue of cheating and his sexual issues/preferences.