Once trust is lost can it ever be regained?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2013
Once trust is lost can it ever be regained?
5
Mon, 01-21-2013 - 3:07am

Once trust is lost can it ever be regained? If it can be regained what steps does one need to take to rebuild trust in a relationship?

Avatar for tobermory
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2001
Mon, 01-21-2013 - 10:20am

Yes, it can be rebuilt but it takes a long time, often longer than the person who broke trust would care to believe. The steps for rebuilding are very simple -- be completely trustworthy and completely transparent so the other person can see that you are behaving in a trustworthy and honorable fashion. And behave that way for the rest of your life.

Tobermory

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 01-21-2013 - 7:32pm

  What do you mean by trust?  Trust has many facets.  To respond it is very helpful necessary what kind of trust you are writing about. 

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Tue, 01-22-2013 - 3:39pm

I think your response is right on the money.  It's about believing the person who screwed it all up and hurt you won't screw it all up again and hurt you yet again.  And you are so right, it really isn't simple and it really can take a long time.  How BAD the screw up was and whether or not his or her improved choices are consistent plays a huge role, as well.  When trust becomes an issue, it changes everything. 

 

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Wed, 01-23-2013 - 5:53pm

Trust is like a pristine vase. It's delicate and fragile, but able to hold more than its weight.

Trust that is broken is like taking that vessel and smashing it into a million pieces.  No matter how well you glue the vase back together, it will never again be in its pristine condition. It will never hold contents like it used to; there will always be a fear of a leak, which will compromise the integrity of the vase.

The only thing pristine is a different, new vase.

Trust is pretty much like that.

Avatar for tobermory
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2001
Wed, 01-23-2013 - 11:51pm

I am not sure I agree with that. As someone who has been married a long time, I can tell you that early on, my husband really did betray my trust completely a couple of times. But he worked very hard to earn it back and I have trusted him completely for at least 15 years. I don't worry that he will act as he did before, it doesn't even cross my mind. But you need a lot of work, and a lot of time, for that to happen.

Tobermory