one deal breaker?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2011
one deal breaker?
26
Sat, 10-01-2011 - 9:29am

Hi girls and guys,
I need advice, deep advice if possible. Please help me clear my head, because this has been eating away me for quite awhile.

Background: I am 27 and he is 29. I have been dating my lovely boyfriend for almost 3.5 years. It has been a GREAT 3.5 years. He never puts any pressure on me and he is a really nice person. Yeah, sometimes he does upset me because of the words and actions he chooses. He forgets to mention how pretty I am, and he forgets we make plans and the lack of plans.. etc. I do want to marry one day, and I want to marry him. I can see myself with him for the rest of my life but there is one MAJOR(?) problem. I really hate saying it is a problem, but it is.. because I when I was younger... I wanted to marry a man and move in with him, only him.

Problem: He recently purchased a house, yeah, he really did not want to and he was not yet ready, but he was pressured into doing so. His mom lost her job, her house, etc. She currently is not doing well, she has a lung diease. His sister and two brothers are living with him as well. He is the sole provider of all three of them. He is the only one paying the mortgage as well as buying all the food. This really frustrates me because he is being pushed around by his family. His sister has a low-paying job, but she just does not PAY ANYTHING! She just purchased a new car (do not ask me why) and his brothers have decent jobs -- but they do not pay because they have "credit card bills to pay off." They are freeloading in my eyes and I do not like this because how can I have a future with him if he is stuck? He is

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 10-06-2011 - 9:32am
I'll bet that harlot walks around with her ankles in plain sight. What a disgrace!

:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Thu, 10-06-2011 - 8:56am

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Mon, 10-03-2011 - 12:12am

I often wonder why someone like you who knows all the answers, comes here and asks questions? If you get an opinion, you refute it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 10-02-2011 - 10:00pm

I agree w/ freeatlast on this one--you have to decide how long you are willing to wait for the family to move out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 10-02-2011 - 9:03pm

>>: I did not say that my dream is more important than his. He told me his dream was to move in with me but he had to alter it.<<

Well, he has a new plan now, and you are placing his new plan at a lower importance than your own plan.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sun, 10-02-2011 - 8:31pm

oh; so how long are you willing to wait for his mom to move or his sister or whatever?? Are you putting a time limit on it??
Like months or years?? What are you willing to settle for with him?? would you wait forever for his family to move?

I see that it is settling on your part because you want to get married and live with your husband which is all normal. right now though I dont see anything normal about your relationship with him..whatever culture you are in which is fine to wait for sex but how long can both of you wait??? one year, two years, five years, ten years?? at some point if you dont put a time limit on it you will not be able to have children.. Biologically you will be too old as you know.and then what?

He stays with you because he wants to and

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2011
Sun, 10-02-2011 - 7:42pm

thank you.

I am a strong-willed person. When I have something set in my mind, it is set in stone. I will not have sex until I get married. I know he has not had sex because it is pretty impossible. I am with him every weekend so there is no time for him to sneak any of that nature in. I know he wants sex, but he said he will wait until I am ready. I know he does watch porn, he has told me.

true: I did not say that my dream is more important than his. He told me his dream was to move in with me but he had to alter it. I am thinking that once his sister gets a good job (hopefully) the mother can move in with her. His mother does have options, such as moving in with her sister who lives 35min away. It really is not a big problem, there are solutions. It just is not fair that everyone is using him. It is breaking my heart.

freeatlast: You are using aggressive words. I do not want to kick his family out. If I do marry him, I would want them in my life, not just every day of my life.. too much... too much. I do give him hand jobs, so there is your factor. There is nothing wrong wit the way I live. In my religion we are not supposed to have sex until we are married. Well, I am waiting because that is what I was raised and I am following through. He is not bored with me, because if he was, he would leave me!

You mentioned you dated a guy for a few weeks, well I am at 3.5 years and it was at 2.5 years this move took place.

If he does not want me in his life, why am I still in it? Why has he not said goodbye... it will not work out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sun, 10-02-2011 - 6:42pm

oh; Dear;; that is right..

There are way too many problems in this relationship.. People have sex for intimacy and because they love each other and want to be close.. If they are not having sex in three years there is def. a problem there..

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 10-02-2011 - 6:11pm

>>

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sun, 10-02-2011 - 5:58pm

oh; So i am assuming that the poster thinks the guy will kick out the family and the mom and choose her?? But, I am confused..didnt he say that he is not going to kick out his family and choose her?? Didnt he say that to your face unicorn??

So what do you want him to do?? Kick the mom out, kick the siblings out?? Or do you think he is going to wait a few years and then kick them out?? or are you waiting for the mom to die and the siblings to get married and move out??

Wow;; what are you wanting or hoping will happen ???What does your boyfriend want to happen? Was that addressed here??

Oh; about the sex thing?? Not to be nosy but do you do other things and not intercourse.. I think I agree with Fiss. No man on this planet goes without sex for years.. sorry!!!

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