One "secret" can ruin it all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2011
One "secret" can ruin it all.
6
Thu, 07-14-2011 - 1:40pm

I am not perfect and I have made mistakes. I am a college student and my boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 months. One night I spent the night in my guy friend's dorm room (accidently, I feel asleep) and I didn't tell my boyfriend because I knew he would get upset. Nothing at all happened, we slept on two different sides of the room, but my boyfriend hates this guy. I just kept it to myself to reduce drama at the time because we were going through a pregnancy scare and it just didn't feel like the right time.

Recently it came up that I spent the night at this guy's dorm room. I didn't have anything to hide so I told him what happened and why I didn't tell him at the exact time it happened. My boyfriend was so upset, rightly so I guess, yet his lack of trust in me is really starting to hurt. He has always been kind of jealous but never like this.Ever since he found out he doubts everything I say, always has a smart,snippy remark, and makes me feel bad. He keeps saying "Put yourself in my shoes". I have and I feel I have apologized enough. I ask what I can do and he says "It fine", "I'm cool" even though it obviously not. I know I messed up but I didn't cheat and have never given him a reason to doubt me. I have been such a great girlfriend to him and now he barely appreciates me! It may be his past since he was cheated on in every relationship he has been in.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2009
Thu, 07-14-2011 - 2:09pm
Sorry but that is a reason to doubt you. If You'd found out through other people he'd crashed at a former GF house that still had the hots for him...you'd think?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Thu, 07-14-2011 - 7:13pm

On the other hand, if he can't trust you, it is unfair to be snippy and mean--he should just end the relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Thu, 07-14-2011 - 7:29pm

Pinkkiss, there's nothing you can do to further reassure him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Fri, 07-15-2011 - 12:54am

I agree with Trey on this one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2011
Sun, 07-17-2011 - 12:42pm

All of what you guys are saying seems right. Just yesterday he brought up an ex i haven't talked about for months. It seems he only grows more jealous. I guess I really need to decide if I need to break up with him. I did miss up by lying, yet I feel if it wasn't this incident it would be another. It's like he has been waiting for an excuse to constantly throw his insecurities in my face. Last night I asked him if he trusted me and he said no. That pretty much says it all. No trust=no relationship. And it can only get worse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Tue, 07-19-2011 - 10:39am

I would be pissed off at you, too. There's no good reason to be dishonest. Your apologies mean nothing, because even on this messageboard you still justify your secrecy. HOWEVER, I don't think it's fair to place all the blame on you. If you felt like you could be honest, I imagine you would have been.

If you can't handle an insecure, jealous boyfriend (and I wouldn't either), then you need to do one better than take a break - You need to break up and find someone who doesn't make you feel like you need to be dishonest in order to reduce drama. If you want a good way of forgiving yourself, instead of blaming yourself for a mistake, think of this incident as a wake-up call to end a relationship that doesn't make you feel like you can be honest without causing major problems.