The One...but in a rut, HELP!
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 06-23-2008 - 6:29pm |
hey,
alrighty so my boyfriend and I have been together for over 2.5 years. Everything was great and then I started noticing different problems. Like we never do anything anymore...not sure if it's because we've done everything around here and whatever we do is boring or if it's because we don't go on little day trips, but either way it really started to irritate me. Also sex is lame, we might get lucky and have sex like once a week if we get lucky, because it's either we're hanging out with friends, tired/not in mood, didn't have a shower.
I believe that he is the one because we always talk about our future together we both have never had relationship this long, we understand eachother down to the last detail, but I just don't know what to do anymore. I really need help on how to put the umph and spice back into our relationship.
Thanks.

Dear C/L,
I have been through this stage and can tell you it enters a scary place if you don't nip it in the bud. This means: either make him priority #1 or consider breakup.
You have exited out of the exiting phase where everything is butterflies into a safer area which is less sexy and phase where many couples tend to take each other for granted. Beware, becuase this complacency can lead to apathy and distance.
Here is my advice (and I should probably follow it as well:)
1. Have sex and try your best not to refuse him. This means taking care of yourself, showering, smelling good, and feeling good.
2. Develop interests you share together and apart. This was really hard for me. I often had this feeling of abandonment when he would do his own thing and when I did my own thing. When you miss each other a little, it is good for the relationship.
3. It is really appealing to talk about goals like marriage, babies, etc. But you have to remember you are not a means to an end in each other's life. It is important to focus on keeping romance alive by doing things that he loves (spontaneous lovemaking, encouraging day out with friends, making his favorite meal, complementing him in front of family). Things to make sure he knows that your life is enhanced by him in it.
It sounds like you have found a wonderful man to possibly spend your life with. Your relationship is actually transitioning to an exciting time.
Good luck
Welcome to the confused_lovely,
There are a number of good self-help books out there to bring back emotional intimacy which fuels sexual desire.
It sounds like this issue can be fixed. Ever hear "absence makes the heart grow fonder?" If this is the case where you both see each other everyday, try to start taking a few days a week off from each other. When you both realize that you miss each other, finding things to do with each other won't be as difficult. I hope this helps!
This is good advice, Porcelain...
I think women have a tough time setting time apart for themselves. For example, set aside a personal care night where you go and get a manicure, haircut, eyebrow wax or whatever it takes to make you feel sexy. It's easy to forget about these things when you start getting really comfortable.
OR join a sports league, gym and make sure you have time away so you can actually miss him.
It's important to create space. When you met and fell in love, you were both probably very independent and free-spirited. It's important to maintain that while still giving to the relationship as it is a very attractive quality in a mate.
Sometimes when things get too familiar people begin to take each other for granted, feel the person will always be there and don't make that extra effort to keep it spiced up. Pull away a little. Focus on your own life and start getting involved in activities that are interesting and meaningful to you. Spice yourself up, find your own life exciting and then
It's A New Day With Dr Shoshanna - Wed. 2-3 EST.