Only 3 months in and having problems

Avatar for shine_19
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2005
Only 3 months in and having problems
9
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 3:53pm

I have been having a problem with my boyfriend of only 3 months.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2007
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 3:58pm
My question for you is, why would you want to stay with someone who isn't even pretending to care so early in the relationship? Do you really think you can change him? Please save yourself months or even years of being neglected emotionally and find someone who will fulfill the needs you demand of him!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 4:19pm

Chris Rock has a great comedy routine about how when you first meet a man, you don't meet the real him, you meet his "representative".

Avatar for blondie0506
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 4:24pm

The first 3 months never count.

Avatar for shine_19
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Registered: 10-13-2005
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 4:42pm

Hi Sherry,


About the laptop, he had set it up for me to download music on his itunes, and when I couldn't find something, I went on the internet. It was just offensive the way he came in and said "Are you looking thru my email??" I told him no, that I was looking for a song, and then it dawned on me. "What, don't you trust me?" I had asked him. His response was that he didn't trust anyone. That hurt, being that I give him permission to go on my laptop, get things from my purse, etc. I guess it is my way of saying - I have nothing to hide. Why should he?


In the first few days of our relationship, I had told him, in a serious conversation, that I like to give a lot of attention and affection, and that I also like to receive it. Last night when I was talking to him, he did actually agree to try to change things, so we will see how that works out. Should I keep some distance in between visits? I was thinking about not answering all his phone calls like I usually do, perhaps make him notice what it would be like without me there. I know I made him too comfortable by always being available to him, making the

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 5:20pm

Assuming that the other person has the same motivation you would have for doing something is a big mistake--but a very common one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 5:54pm

No, you don't play games and not answer his calls and "make him realize what it would be like without you there".

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 6:39pm

>Now I know what you're going to say..... "if you having problems that early, move on."

You've answered your own question it seems. I can't advise you on how to mend a relationship that's been broken so early on. He's barely putting any effort into your "relationship" and in all likelihood you probably moved things way too fast. I can't personally imagine being in love with someone after only three months; what have you experienced together that could possibly bring you that close?

I'm sorry but your needs and expectations from one another are incompatible and that ruins a relationship. There are men out there who would fit you, why are you crazy-gluing yourself to someone who doesn't?

Realize that this time in your relationship is when you get the absolute BEST of the other person.




Edited 9/17/2007 6:42 pm ET by eggbertshootsfire
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 6:42pm

Welcome to the board shine_19,


You've already gotten good advice. I just wanted to echo a few things, 3 months is barely scratching the surface of the relationship. If he's not considerate of his time with you, not calling, not showing up when he says he will, this will not change. This is who he is now that he's feeling comfortable to be him.


Reading material to consider:
Five Love Langagues, Gary Chapman
Are You the One for Me? Barbara DeAngelis


Avatar for shine_19
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2005
Tue, 09-18-2007 - 9:54am

Thank you everyone for all