only sex
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only sex
| Fri, 04-16-2004 - 12:39am |
Have had a secret sexual relationship with a friend. This has been going on for over 2 years. It is merely sexual, not love. Feeling very guilty. My spouse would be crushed if they found out. Have not socialized with friend for over 7 months due to a problem with another friend who has alienated me from my social circle and not because of the sexual relationship with the other friend since no one knows. In those 7 months, had sex with friend 4 times. We just have sex, no real conversation, no real friendship anymore. We don't hang out together anymore. I can't stop thinking about this friend. I am definately not in love but definately am in lust for this friend. I want to let this friend understand that the situation causing my alienation was certainly blown out of proportion. I want to hang out with them again, as friends. But I also want to have and keep this secret sexual relationship. I think he does too, but he doesn't seem to care that I have lost my place in our social circle. On the other hand, my spouse, who I love dearly and have a great sexual relationship with, has been supportive and there for me always. Thus, my guilt. This situation is more complicated than I can get into. I would give up the sex just to get my friendship back. Can't seem to make anyone understand that what happened was a true misunderstanding. I know this friend will eventually call for sex (which I find hard to say no to) but I want this friend to know that I have been deeply hurt by my alienation of our social circle. I want this friend to support me more than the person accusing me of something I didn't do. It really seems to matter to me what this friend thinks of me. I don't know why, just the way it is. I miss being with this friend. I believe because of my guilt about the "only sex" that in every other aspect of my life I feel guilty even when Im not. I know I can't get my life back as it was, but I don't know how to move forward. Don't know what to do about the lost friendships, the "only sexual relationship" or the guilt toward my spouse for cheating. HELP!

Carrie