Oral Sex Complex

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Oral Sex Complex
5
Mon, 01-19-2004 - 11:06pm
My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year, and enjoy a wonderful sex life. I have been giving him oral sex for months, and I recently brought up the topic of him giving me oral sex. The topic had come up only once before, and he told me that he wanted to, but wasn't sure if I wanted him to or not. I told him that although I was not begging for it, that I would enjoy being on the receiving end. However, that was about 6 months ago, so I brought it up again. He told me that he wanted to, but said he has what he referred to as a complex, and can't bring himself to actually do it. I told him that I was more than willing to work slowly at it with him, I am willing to do whatever it takes to help him through this. But he won't budge, he says there's nothing to do but wait until he gets over this feeling he cannot understand. I am confused and a bit frustrated...why won't he at least give it a shot? He says that he is comfortable doing it, and not afraid of not knowing what to do, but can't explain to me how he feels. I fear that his stubborness may be a precurser to problems in the future...any thoughts?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 01-20-2004 - 8:30am
I'm a virgin but it is my opinion that a person shouldn't be performing sex acts that he doesn't feel comfortable with. That includes you. If I was married I wouldn't want my spouse to perform sex acts he didn't enjoy just to please me. Quite frankly, I can't imagine getting pleasure out of a certain intimacy when I know my spouse is forcing himself to do it. And he should show me the same courtesy and not nag me to do stuff I don't want to do. You should only perform oral sex on your husband if you enjoy it....don't do it to get something in return! Iri
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Tue, 01-20-2004 - 9:03am

Well, I don't think this is a "precursor" to future problems, this is something he is not comfortable doing and he is making that clear.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2004
Tue, 01-20-2004 - 9:41am
My opinion is a little different from the last two,buteverybody has a right to different opinions I guess.If he feels comfortable doing itthen I think he is scared to death that he will screw it up,do it wrong or something,he is just plain scared.Give him time,as for thewhen the time comes explain what feels nice,give him that ego boost.good luck.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-20-2004 - 11:03am
Honey, there's plenty of guys that don't "give oral" - and there's nothing you can do about it. He doesn't want to do it...it has nothing to do with you personally, he's likely never done it (at least willingly) on anybody he's been with. He doesn't "do" that - just like some girls don't swallow.

So don't take it personally,as if he's got an issue with YOU that is keeping him from doing it....it's not that. He doesn't "give" oral - put a period at the end of the sentence, and move on.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Tue, 01-20-2004 - 2:36pm
Yeah, it sounds like it's his stubborness that prevents him from returning the favor to you. The fact that he's not even willing to try disturbs me alittle bit. I believe that the ultimate part of intimacy is performing oral sex on your partner (& receiving it as well). If you feel really strongly about him performing oral sex on you, then I would suggest that you withdraw from performing oral sex on him until you two are able to find a happy medium.

Good luck....