The Other Stuff

Avatar for lol_des
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
The Other Stuff
2
Wed, 09-01-2004 - 3:49am
Hello all my fist time on this board and looking for advice or people who are in the same situation.

I have issues with my H.

First he forgot my b'day than he stayed up all night playing his pc after he told me he would be 10 minutes. So I got mad at him for waking me as we have a 7 week old baby and I never get any sleep. I also told him I feel he needs to pull his weight around here with the children, housework, gardening etc I do it all.

He went into a rage and swore at me told me I could leave etc. I got mad at him because at present he isn't working and I am paying all the bills why should he have all the outings etc and I do all the work.



The next day he was sorry blar...blar but I can not forgive him. This seems to be a common thing his selfishness and explosions. The excuses he uses for his behaviours are great he can make me feel bad about any bad behaviour he has done by using the victim. He'll even go into the I'm sick you know I have troubles sleeping blar bla.

He seems to spend 24-7 on this pc and the rest of the time training people, doing karate and running around after others but doesn't pull his weight in our relationship or house.

I moved here to be with him, I told him prior that I couldn't live like this and he said it would change but he seems to use me to do all the work so he can train and play more.

It also annoys me that he plays the perfect husband, dad around others why is he so fake when in the spotlight.

I am getting to the point where I don't love him anymore because I feel used and forgoten by his behaviour and I don't know what to do.

I feel neglected and so alone....

PLEASE HELP.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2004
In reply to: lol_des
Wed, 09-01-2004 - 11:31am
i think you need to just sit down and tell him all of this. don't let him speak until you have completely finished what you have to say. if he tries to interrupt you then tell him that its rude to talk while someone else is talking and he needs to just listen. you're going to have to put your foot down. DON'T LET HIM MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY b/c you have done nothing wrong. go into with the mentality that I'M not going to crack, i'm going to crack HIM.

i might also suggest, it may seem extreme, but, going on strike. there was actually a movie i saw on lifetime called "mom on strike". the mother struck b/c her husband and family didn't do anything to help her with anything. so she just quit. let the dinner go uncooked, the dishes unwashed, lunches unmade, she quit running errands for them, basically being at their beck and call 24/7. i thought it was brilliant idea. it would show him how much you mean to the family and how little he does to help. try it for a couple of days and if nothing else it will force him to talk to you about it. let him know that you're fed up and either things drastically change for the better, or you're done. good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
In reply to: lol_des
Wed, 09-01-2004 - 1:48pm

If he was like this before you were there, what made you think that he would change once you were? Youa re there, he doesnt need to do anything. Until he realizes that a relationship takes two people going in the same direction, wanting the same things.