The "other woman" keeps popping back up
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| Sat, 10-16-2004 - 3:15pm |
At first, he and the woman maintained a friendship to which I totally objected. I told him that given the circumstances, I thought it was totally inappropriate to continue a friendship. I told her the same thing explaining that I no longer wanted her in the middle of our relationship whether it be as “the other woman” or as “just a friend.” She assured me that she would not be in contact with him anymore and that I could trust her word.
Well a few months later I saw she had called my husband’s cell phone and I got very angry. My husband insisted it was nothing, and that she was buying a used camera from him. I believed there was nothing going on, but still thought it totally inappropriate. Then I started getting hang-up phone calls at home, and my caller ID showed it was her number. So, one day I called her right back and this time I unleashed an earful onto her. I was furious that she was continuing to call my husband and on top of that had the nerve to be calling my home. She said she was buying his camera, but also seemed bitter saying that he had lied to her (during the affair) and that he wasn’t a good person etc. This time she promised she would not be in contact again. But, a few months later she called me on my cell phone, claiming that a woman had called her looking for my husband. She was scared it had been me, and wanted to assure me that nothing was going on. I thought: where the heck is this coming from?! Is she trying to provoke me?! I just politely told her it hadn’t been me and thanked her for the concern.
That was months ago, I haven’t thought about her since, and things with my husband have been great. Then last night I saw on his cell phone that she had called and he called her back twice. I was enraged! My husband said she called him to ask if he could fix a problem on her cousin’s computer. He claims tha he told her he wouldn’t have time. I think this was a total ploy, but my husband insists it was an innocent request. I was so angry that I exploded and lost my temper big time. My husband said he has done nothing wrong and I shouldn’t be angry at him. But I think he should have done more to set up boundaries that let her know its not allright to call him. He said he’d do that if she called again, but I want him to do this BEFORE she calls again. Am I being too demanding or unreasonable? I'm very tempted to call her again and really give her a piece of my mind, but maybe that would be giving her the reaction she wants. What should I do in this situation? My husband understands why I am upset, but he thinks I should just forget about it and not let it get to me. We will be moving across the country in a few weeks, and things between he and I have never been better. Should I just let this go or should I insist my husband take some stronger action to stop these phone calls? (Although we'll be in a different state, he will have the same cell phone number) I am so mad because I feel like this woman keeps disrespecting me over and over again. The worst part about all this is that it making me distrust my husband again, questioning where he's been what he's doing. Should I let it go and continue being allright with him or should I risk fights, rift and division over this? Any advice will be appreciated.....as I cannot think straight right now!

I disagree with your husband. He isn't setting appropriate boundaries and he doesn't make sense. Why would he risk his relationship with you in order to help her cousin's computer? I don't believe that this is all innocent. He isn't letting go of her. He could block her phone number, not return her calls, etc.
Don't give her a piece of your mind. It is him that you should be concerned with. Have you been to marriage counseling in all of this? It is time to go if both of you want to stay married.
Carrie