OUT OF TUNE
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OUT OF TUNE
| Thu, 07-05-2007 - 8:23pm |
Hello, My husband and I have been married for 4 years, but together for 7. He's is 24, and I am 25. This is also my 2nd marriage. My husband just recently got out of the military. He was a military cop, so he has that attitude like a cop. He is also quite mean. He used to not be like this, or maybe it just took a while for the real person to come out. We have 2 kids also..a 6 yr old girl, and a 1 yr old boy. He does not help me with the kids at all. He would rather sit at the computer all day long playing video games. We only see him when he goes outside to smoke, or comes to the kitchen and eat. He plays the games in the bedroom with the door closed all day long. We also have been fighting like crazy everyday for almost a month now. If I do not do what he says, then he would charge at me, as if he is about to hit me. He has hit me in the past...like punching in the arms, legs, and yesterday, he finally slapped me in the face, but later apologized. I have told him that he abuses me, but he makes it seem like I am over-exaggerating things. He makes me feel like everything is my fault also. I was physically, emotionally, and sexually abused as a child, and maybe this is why I find the wrong guys. I do not believe in good guys anymore, and if I ever came across one, it would be foreign to me. I am constantly thinking how it would be....just me and the kids without my husband. He now gives me a weekly allowance, just enough to take care of the kids, and house. He also does not want me to further my education, like I had started while he was in the military. He wants to go to college, so I have to just sit at home, and care for the kids. I would leave, but I did not have my dad while growing up, and this is why I want the kids to be near him. Also, his family adores me, and I would hate to disappoint them, and lastly......money...I have none....what should I do about all this? Is this a kind of marriage that can be fixed or not? Thanks.

Whatever it takes you must get out of the marriage. Kick your excuses to the curb. Your kids are better off with a mother who whole, safe and happy than one who is battered, broken and unable to provide a safe environment for them. His abuse of you is also abusing them and teaching your daughter that she will deserve no better from a man and eventually teaching your son that women are worthless and not deserving of respect. Look into a womens shelter where you live. There are many support groups to help women get out of abusive situations and back on their feet.
Definitely look into some low or no cost therapy - you will need it to help you see how manipulative his behavior is. I am 45 years old and I finally realized that there is no way in hell to convince an abuser that he is in the wrong. They always, ALWAYS down play it and find excuses or blame.
Your first obligation is to yourself and your children, hurting his family is irrelevent. What is the choice, suffer and die a little everyday to support their illusions about what he is like?