Over emotional and sensitive, tips please?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2011
Over emotional and sensitive, tips please?
8
Fri, 04-27-2012 - 4:12pm

Hi everyone. I've been in a relationship with my childhood friend for about a year now. We've had a lot of obstacles so early on in our relationship. Disapproving parents and long distance are to name a few. The parents are coming along and we're

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Fri, 04-27-2012 - 7:17pm

First up, it's great that you acknowledge the problem with your

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2011
Fri, 04-27-2012 - 10:01pm

Well, he has a "dark" sense of humor, I'd say. He jokes a lot and sometimes takes things too far, he's admitted it himself. But at the same time, I know he's still joking even if he hurts my feelings. He just mentions threesomes because he knows I'd never ever do that with him. That's about all that he makes jokes about. The main thing that gets me is my jealousy. He'll mention something about his past with someone else and I'll automatically shut down. I don't like thinking about that. But I realize I take the jealousy thing way too far as well. Like for instance, he mentioned how him and a mutual friend of ours when we were younger would discuss sex. They never had cybersex or anything but they talked about it as a topic. I completely shut down at that point and just felt utterly depressed and jealous. I really need help with my jealousy issues, but I don't even know where to start.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Fri, 04-27-2012 - 11:30pm

How old are the two of you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2011
Sat, 04-28-2012 - 12:34am

He's 22, I'm 20. And those days are just better for us. He works, but he's not in school. And I don't have a job but am trying to finish high school (GED). He lives with an old family friend, kind of like a room mate kind of thing. I still live with my parents.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sat, 04-28-2012 - 2:58am
Honestly, this teasing and cruelty has no place in a relationship. While I acknowledge that he's eased up a bit, nothing short of stopping teasing you should be acceptable. I can easily imagine you getting hurt and him telling you that he was only joking. This behaviour of his is cruel and disrespectful. Tell me, If he stopped with his teasing and talking about sex things in the past, would your 'emotional' problems suddenly be a lot less? I suspect they would. Perhaps the problem is with him and not you? I also wanted to touch on the insecurity thing. At your age, it's not really that uncommon. While many of us responding to you may have good self esteem and boundaries, you must also remember that most of us are much older than you. We've all had exes who's behaviour has taught us a lot about what we will and will not accept in our lives. Don't expect yourself to have the wisdom and confidence of someone twice your age - these things take time. At this point, I'd be telling him that the teasing stops NOW. If he doesn't stop, then this shows he cares little about your feelings.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sat, 04-28-2012 - 12:08pm
Completely agree. The time to stop unacceptable behavior in a relationship is yesterday.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sat, 04-28-2012 - 12:19pm
Whether you're overly sensitive or not (and a lot of us women are sensitive) hurtful comments are hurtful comments and should not be accepted. You basically teach him what you will put up with by not standing up for yourself when he says these things. Allowing him to treat you like this will only cause you to have further self esteem and depression issues. There's an old saying that goes "People will only treat you the way you ALLOW them to treat you" and nothing could be further than the truth. You have the option of deciding whether you're going to put up with this or not, and the longer you do the longer he is going to continue to do this. GOOD LUCK.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sat, 04-28-2012 - 12:32pm

I suspected you were even younger, but with posessive controlling parents, your maturity level is not where it should be.