Painful Words

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2008
Painful Words
3
Wed, 09-17-2008 - 11:48am
I used to be with a boyfriend that was treating me great, he was all loving and tender, he had no problem introducing me to his friends and acting like totally in love in front of them, and telling me all the time how wonderful our relationship is.
I treated him very good, no pressure or anything, because I trusted him and he was treating me great too.
It was the ideal relationship BUT from the beginning he kept telling me one thing : that I was so much more in love with him than he was, and that he felt bad about it. After a while, he also told me that he felt like in the future this would become worse and at some point I would start pressing him.
Finally, one day we had a fight over this issue and broke up. He asked me to stay in touch, I asked him not to do it, and that's how the story finished, we haven't communicated ever since.
Well, I still wonder what happened and how could I be so blind... Especially after the break-up I believe that he didn't feel a thing for me...
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: irened1983
Wed, 09-17-2008 - 2:49pm

It sounds like he was afraid of committment from the start. He said he worried that you would pressure him, which means wanting more from the relationship than he wanted to give. If he said he felt you were more in love than him, it was also his way of saying that his feelings didn't go so deep. As soon as you hear something like this, it's good to pay attention and not just hang in and hope that things will change. They may not. Also, it's good, in your future relationship to allow the guy to have some challenge and feel he has to chase a bit. It makes you more valuable in his eyes.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: irened1983
Wed, 09-17-2008 - 3:00pm

Welcome to the board irened1983,


I think had feelings for you, but they were not as strong as your feelings for him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2008
In reply to: irened1983
Sun, 09-21-2008 - 5:48pm
First of all, thank you very much for your time and your valuable advice.
Things should be really clear to me by now, but he did something very strange... And I feel like I am blind again, but for a different reason this time...
You see, he contacted me out of the blue and while we were chatting he told me that he misses me and during our break up he realised how much important I am to him... Obviously, I told him that we didn't have to get through all this and that he used to tell me things that hurt me. He replied that what he did was because he felt insecure about me leaving him, so he decided to push things to the edge and see my reaction. And every time that he told me I feel much more than him it was because he thought that HE felt much more than me and didn't want me to know it, a game of playing it cool I suppose...
Well, as expected, I am scared of the whole situation, I cannot trust him and cannot take him back... Silly games people play and ruin their perfect relationships... :-(