paranoid?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2008
paranoid?
4
Wed, 01-30-2008 - 8:51am

Hello!


I would really like some enlightment upon something that's been bugging me lately. I have recently started dating someone new, whom I really like and feel very connected to. He seems to feel the same, as he's constantly paying me attention, phoning when he says he will and constantly making plans with me. I couldn't really ask for anyone more considerate when it comes to these things.


But the problem is that in the past I have had quite a few bad experiences with people who just back out of the relationship, out of the blue. I realize that these people were not very worthy to begin with, but nevertheless I was left very messed up and it was incredibly hard trying to cope while feeling that nobody wanted me, for some reason that I could not really figure out (I'm fairly decent looking and quite accomplished).


In the beginning of this new

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
In reply to: enkeli08
Wed, 01-30-2008 - 11:34am

Welcome to the board enkeli08,


If you are really insecure you need to work on that because before we are really able to love someone else we need to be able to love ourselves. Find some good self help books about building self esteem.


Also try to relax. Don't focus on negitive things.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
In reply to: enkeli08
Wed, 01-30-2008 - 1:48pm
I would say , once bitten twice shy! Thats your life experience.And this makes you extra sensitive and emotional.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: enkeli08
Wed, 01-30-2008 - 2:06pm

Welcome to the board enkeli08,


Unfortunately, you started a new relationship with lots of baggage.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: enkeli08
Thu, 01-31-2008 - 2:35pm

When we have had bad experiences in the past, they come up to haunt us, particularly when we are getting into a new relationship. It is understandable that you would have old fears return. But it is also important not to confuse the past with the present. All men are not the same. As you say, he has given you no reason to compare him to them. It is also wise not to tell him all about your fears. He is not your therapist. There's no need to. If the fears are too overwhelming, go see a cousnellor for a few sessions. It takes courage to love and to try again. Part of the reason it takes courage is because there is always the fear of loss and rejection. However, as you wisely say, if you don't take that chance, you also miss out on the beautiful feeling of being with someone who is right for you.


All best wishes,