Paranoid? Or Pushing Him Away?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2007
Paranoid? Or Pushing Him Away?
4
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 12:49pm
I've been seeing my guy for 5 months. We live an hour apart so most of our time is on the phone during the week, together on weekends. I've met the family, and I'm secure in the fact that he's not a cheater, liar, etc.....
But recently I feel like the closer I feel to him (missing him during the week, wanting to be with him more, sending sweet text msgs), the farther he seems. We never share "moments". Not like the movies where we'd gaze into each others eyes and all that! Just the times where you FEEL that love. We say "I love you", he fixes things around my house, pays my way - and I appreciate that. So is it weird that we rarely cuddle after sex? Or that we're more likely to high five and have a laugh before having any kind of serious intimacy. Once I asked if he ever thought about us moving in together and he said it makes him nervous b/c it's not something you do every day! Then I asked (this weekend) if he thinks one day we'll be married he just said "I don't know". (I spaced these things out and I surely don't bombard him with clingyness).
These things leave me feeling somewhat insecure on where the relationship is headed. I'm sure 5 months is too soon for me to bring that up. Since he's not the "let's talk about our feelings" kind of guy I do things and say things to see how he reacts and to figure out if he's feeling the same way. Now I woner if I've done more damage than good? Has anyone felt this way? Please help! I don't want to scare off a good guy when I've kissed so many toads! Any ideas on what I can do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 3:48pm

Welcome to the board louisiana_girl,


I think you just need to relax and let the relationship move at it's own pace. Don't try to rush things. Five months is too early to move in together.


When my fiance and I started dating three years ago. He had never lived with anyone and wasn't sure if he wanted to get married. I wasn't worried though because I wasn't ready for any on that. After about 10 months we moved in together. We knew then we would get married and that is was just a matter of time. I knew all of this was scary to him though so I tried not to push the matter. We are getting married next month.


I guess what I am trying to say is relax and let things happen. You will know as the relationship progressing whether or not it is going to work out.


Good luck to you.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2007
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 4:45pm
Thank you so much!!! :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 5:59pm
No problem :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 6:25pm

Hi louisana_girl,


Putting aside all the other stuff in your post, I wanted to comment on this part:


"So is it weird that we rarely cuddle after sex? Or that we're more likely to high five and have a laugh before having any kind of serious intimacy."


If you want or need cuddling after sex and it's not happening, well, don't expect things to change. He's showing you how non-emotional or non-attached to you he is.