parents dont approve part 2!
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parents dont approve part 2!
| Tue, 07-03-2007 - 12:25am |
hi everyone.. and no im still no closer to resolving this issue i have with my parents.. my dad caved and apologised, however my mother hasnt called me or even sent me a text in nearly 2 weeks, this is from a woman who would call me every day..sometimes more that that.. to now. nothing.she doesnt even call to my home anymore.. I took everything for me today to call to her house, and she practically blanked me, it is her birthday, so i gave her a card,and wished her happy birthday, all i got was .." you should'nt have".. and i know she means it.. anyway i thought that she would come around, but after that she texted me that " your card is gone back in the post to you , dont ever treat me like that again" .. Its like nothing i do can please her.. Please someone offer me some support or guidance on how to deal with her.. The underlying problem is that she cant understand how the rest of the family has come to terms with my relationship and she hasnt.. by the way she is the most stubborn woman in the world!! Id really appreciate it.. Thanks Guys

Hi there elayno.
I can easily sense the hurt you are feeling. Hang in there!
Sometimes, you just have to stand your ground and believe in yourself. And at times, that means that you isolate yourself from important people, like your mother.
Its your life and you have to live it.
As to your boyfriend: you need to ask if you and he are a good match. "Love conquers all" is a very romantic notion, but sadly, an incorrect notion. Love waxes and wanes throughout any relationship -- that's life and you don't want to be surprised by this.
Ultimately it comes down to money, sex and kids. If you see eye-to-eye on these three subjects, you're a good match. Its likely you will be able to stay with one another. When the difficult times happen, and they WILL happen, it your ability to function as a couple that keeps you together, not the perception of how much "love" you feel.
What does that mean? Do the two of you have the same vision/outlook regarding:
Money: income generation, savings, sharing of housework, who pays the bills? How do you budget money, will you budget money? How big of a house do you want? how much debt will you tolerate? How much on-hand savings do you want? How ambitious should each of you be? Would you up and move to a new city if one of you were given a promotion opportunity?
Kids: number of children, how to raise children, when should you have children, daycare for children, vacations, free time, alone time,
Sex: frequency of sex, enjoyment of sex, what if one wants it and the other does not? Can he have female friends? can you have male friends? How will the two of you grow sexually as a couple?
This is a lot to think about, and you should think about it. And you should talk about it with your boyfriend. If the two of you are a good match, then don't let him go. If the two of you are not a good match, its better to know now rather than after you are married.
Regarding your mother: it sounds like her life experience compels her in a direcetion that is strongly motivated by the acquisition of money.
In the end, its your choice and you have to live with it. So eventually, you will need to devalue your parents' opinion relative to your own.
Good luck and stay in touch.
Hi elayno,
Here's the link to your previous post so others can catch up on your story:
parents dont approve
I agree with the previous post, sometimes you gotta stand your ground.
I have a couple of questions (maybe I just missed the post). What exactly are your parents' objections? Is it just because of your BF's current financial situation? Or is there more to it?
Also... you sound like a together, smart and ambitious woman, and you keep saying that your boyfriend has "an ok job..." Is he as ambitious and as smart as you? I only ask this because I'm wondering if your parents either don't see his potential or feel that he doesn't have any. Like, say, he may be a good boyfriend for now, but 5 years from now will you have outgrown him (emotionally, financially, intellectually)? Is he going to grow with you or at the same pace as you? I suppose this goes back to oldnimrod's post where he says only money, sex and kids matter. This would fall under money (and intellectual compatibility).