parents dont approve

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2007
parents dont approve
16
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 8:43pm
hi guys, I’m 26, im dating my boyfriend for the last 12 months and we love each other deeply. ive just bought a new house, i own a car, and ive a good job. however my boyfriend is the most kind,caring,sweet and gentle person ive ever met, he was even a virgin until we met last year. we had dated as teenagers but my parents found out and made me stop seeing him back then. Again, now at 26, she never liked him from the start, she wants me to date men wit big cars,a house, and decent job. . He doesnt have a great job, and still lives at home. She wants me to break up with him this time round again, and has said if i dont do it now, it will be harder in the long run... To be honest, i can see myself marrying him in the future, as he has all the characteristics that i would want in a husband. i would like if he had a better job and a car , and a house, to hopefully in the future he will. have you any advice on how to handle this with my parents, as its really upsetting me,and trust me ive met my fair share of different men, that have treated me badly and cheated on me in the past, so now i can appreciate what i have now. Any advise would be great..


Edited 6/23/2007 11:19 pm ET by elayno

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2006
Sun, 06-24-2007 - 6:01pm

Why not look through the newspaper and see if you can help him find a better job that includes job training. I don't know what field he is in but he can always change careers by getting new free training.

Some jobs even train for free ie. hospitals, sales reps etc.. Mybe he just needs support finding a new job and a better salary. Check out craigs list for your city in the jobs section. Maybe that would help. Maybe your parents know someone who knows someone else ( job networking) who can help him get a better job or get him into a training program. Remember, the saying," Behind every successful man there is an exhausted women." Keep saying that to yourself...Good luck. Rifka

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2007
Tue, 07-03-2007 - 12:20am
hi everyone.. and no im still no closer to resolving this issue i have with my parents.. my dad caved and apologised, however my mother hasnt called me or even sent me a text in nearly 2 weeks, this is from a woman who would call me every day..sometimes more that that.. to now. nothing.she doesnt even call to my home anymore.. I took everything for me today to call to her house, and she practically blanked me, it is her birthday, so i gave her a card,and wished her happy birthday, all i got was .." you should'nt have".. and i know she means it.. anyway i thought that she would come around, but after that she texted me that " your card is gone back in the post to you , dont ever treat me like that again" .. Its like nothing i do can please her.. Please someone offer me some support or guidance on how to deal with her.. The underlying problem is that she cant understand how the rest of the family has come to terms with my relationship and she hasnt.. by the way she is the most stubborn woman in the world!! Id really appreciate it.. Thanks Guys
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Tue, 07-03-2007 - 9:06am

Hi,

I think you have two problems here : One is dealing with your mom and one is your BF.

I would say write a e-mail to your mom in detail expressing what you feel and how you feel about your BF and ensure her that you and your BF will work together to build a future ( financially secure ) that she likes you to have. Leave it at that. Dont call her and get tensed up. She will take her own time.

Now deal with your BF. You have hurt his self esteem by telling him about your parents attitude. Sometimes its best not to tell all the truth and to not mix all the worlds you have. You can tell him that you wrote a letter to your mom and that her main issue is that she is stubborn about you not listening to her and the issue is not your BF himself ( which may or may not be the entire truth). And ask him if he likes to work more towards future in terms of education and job. Do NOT force him. He may not be in that mental state now but he may be in future. Ask him what his long term goals are in life in terms of career. If you are happy with the results of the discussion stick with him and try not to bring up this topic again. Get you normal pace in life back. Make him feel loved and bring this topic when he is ready for a heart to heart convers.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-03-2007 - 2:49pm

Realize that you are 26 years old now, and have a responsibility to set your own values and standards. You do not have to go along with your mother anymore, or live life based upon what she thinks is important. You have every right and responsibility to yourself to choose a man you love and respect. You are the one who will be married to him, not your mother. If big cars and lots of money are important to her, let her live with them. You live with what's important to you.


Tell your mother that you do not want to hear anything negative about your boyfriend. It's not her choice, but yours. No one has the right to interfere in a relationship where both partners are happy and good to one another.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2007
Wed, 12-19-2007 - 12:53am

Hi Rifka2006,


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2006
Wed, 12-19-2007 - 6:38am

Yes, I remember your post. Basically,

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