Paris anyone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2009
Paris anyone?
28
Wed, 02-11-2009 - 2:05pm

I have been living with my fiancee for over 4 yrs now. She is finishing up college this spring. She almost has her minor in french and she loves the french culture. We have traveled fairly extensively during our relationship: London a couple of times, Paris, Zurich, Rome, Cannes, Venice etc. She has always been a little sad that my kids could go with us but her grown daughter couldn't. Mind you, it was not because her daughter wasn't invited. It was just that her daughter is deathly afraid to fly and wouldn't come. Or the trips interfered with her daughter's college classes or she couldn't leave her boyfriend for that long..etc.


As a graduation present, I rented an apartment in Paris for my fiancee and her daughter for 3 weeks this June. I had enough frequent flyer miles that both she and her daughter can go over on miles alone. I will be there with my grown daughter for a week with them and then my daughter and I will fly back. We had talked about this for several weeks prior actually making the reservations. When we finally got everything together and I confirmed and paid for the apartment, all my fiancee could say was "okay....great...thanks" and didn't even bother to look up from her computer keyboard (she was in the process of arranging the airline tickets with my miles). That was 3 days ago. Not a word since either from her or her daughter. Her daughter acts like this trip is nothing but a huge inconvenience stating "She would rather go to Australia"... No "thank you"...nothing...not a word.


My question is: Is this normal? Am I expecting too much in return? If your fiancee bought you and your child a trip to Paris/London/Rome....etc for 3 weeks how would you respond?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 02-11-2009 - 2:37pm

Welcome to the board exprincecharming,


Wow, I wouldn't respond that way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2009
Wed, 02-11-2009 - 2:49pm
Several times in the past this has been an issue.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 02-11-2009 - 2:54pm

They do seem very ungrateful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 02-11-2009 - 2:58pm

That's an interesting excuse..... My son's an only child (he's 20) and he shows a lot of appreciation when I give a gift or send money.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Wed, 02-11-2009 - 3:05pm
I think most women would be ecstatic over the idea of a 3 week trip like that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2009
Wed, 02-11-2009 - 3:44pm
I am not sure if it's a question of them being spoiled (although I don't discount that possibility)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Wed, 02-11-2009 - 5:30pm

That would really bother me. I'd show more appreciation than that if my boyfriend brought home McDonald's. And no I'm not an only child.

That was a tremendously generous gift. Are you really happy with this relationship? Is she able to show you love in a way that satisfies you? I don't want to put negative thoughts where they don't belong, but I imagine I would react this way if I really didn't like the guy who was giving me the gift.

If I were you I would be retracting the offer. A girl old enough to be in college should have better manners than the CRAP she threw at you. Sounds like bitchiness may be hereditary. Ugh.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2009
Wed, 02-11-2009 - 5:49pm

Hm...that's certainly food for thought.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Thu, 02-12-2009 - 2:19am

Exprincecharming, could it be that she doesn't like surprises? Perhaps she feels a little out of control when a decision is made without her input?

Alternately....could it be that the gift wasn't right? As an example.... if I got a gift of a car, I'd be overwhelmed at the generosity. But if it was auto transmission, I'd be having a manual transmission dropped in....or exchanging the car. Likewise, I wouldn't be seen dead in a 1.3 litre girly car. Some items in life just can't be compromised on. Call me ungrateful, but if it's expensive, I prefer to be asked what I think instead of being surprised with something not quite right.

Either way, the answer for your partner is the same. Don't do surprises. Ask her what she thinks before you buy her stuff.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2009
Thu, 02-12-2009 - 6:26am
Paris is my favorite city in the entire world, so I would be doing cart wheels down the hallway if I was given a trip like that.

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