Partner needs space for week,need advic

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2007
Partner needs space for week,need advic
6
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 1:07pm

Hello


I am having problems at the moment with my boyfriend and feel mixed up and down so thought i may get some advice here.


We have been living together in his house for

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 1:18pm

Welcome to the board poppet2007,


You might want to read this


When he asks for space (aka, "a break")

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2007
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 1:28pm
that was really good advice ...thanks for sneding me that. I really do feel better after reading that..... thank you.xx
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 6:25pm

"Now i am worried i ll lose him if i dont enthasise how i feel"

I think the biggest problem you're facing right now is that you're trying too MUCH to emphasize how you feel. If a guy feels you are nagging him, it's most likely because you aren't speaking his language. Guys hate to feel like they're being ordered around, so if you're not asking the right questions in the right way with the right tone of voice they're going to hear it all as "nag nag nag nag"

I recommend you read Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, it's a book often recommended here. It has some really good insight on how to connect with another person individually and learning to understand one another.

You should let him take his break. You got the night off recently, too - I bet he felt then similarly to how you are feeling now. Unfortunately if it's his house then he has the right to kick you out for a weekend, but it would be much more fair of him to offer to stay somewhere else himself. That's not right.

Don't take this "mini-break" too hard. There's not much soul-searching that can be done in two days and most likely he just needs to cool off. In the meantime, don't be afraid to go out and do something you enjoy this weekend and don't think too much about it. Wait until he comes back. Also, I will caution you about trying to talk too much. Obviously you should be talking but men easily feel as though a subject is being talked into the ground and after a certain point they tend to close off and become very resentful. In a way this is helpful, because really good communication is built on saying the right things to give the right imagery while not taking a lifetime to get your point across.

As for the time you spend together... Perhaps if he's not willing to give up his Saturday game, you should be focusing on making the time you DO spend together better. Go out more often together, do things other than watch TV or stay in doing your separate things. Appreciate one another more. Surely a football game doesn't go on ALL DAY Saturday, maybe he could take you out to dinner on Saturday nights or something.

If you want to come to a compromise, think of EXACTLY what you want - not "I want you to spend more time with me" but "I want to give you saturdays to play football and you to give me sunday nights for dinner". Be specific about what you want or this conversation will get old and frustrating quickly. If you can find a compromise it should be fairly simple and quick.

Let us know how it goes, I'm sure things will be fine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2007
Sat, 11-03-2007 - 8:02am

Thank you for replying...


I think this is all great advice and its helping lots. I am going out, seeing friends that have been like rocks to me.. they have proved to me already that I have such good support.


However, all this letting him have space is ok, but we were going to get married and have a family next year, i cant understand why he would want to put me through this if he really loved me. I dont think deep down i want to be with someone if it takes thema week to 'decide' if they want me or not??? It cant be right if you dont know you love someone.I am also doing all my final work for a nursing degree and have job interviews

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Sat, 11-03-2007 - 11:25am
You're taking this very personally and don't seem to be able to look past "look what he's doing to ME". He's not doing this TO YOU, he's doing it FOR HIM. When I first read your post, the subject heading said he was taking a break for a "week"... and I thought, that's not so bad, people go on breaks for a month or so. But in your post it's only a "weekend". That is such an incredibly short period of time. He'll be back tomorrow. Don't play the victim here, he left for a couple of days so you both could get some time off from one another and hopefully get your heads on straight and reset your Angry-O-meters so you can talk again calmly when he gets back. If you can't see the value in this then you have the wrong perspective on it. He's not doing this to hurt you, and you can survive on your own for a weekend.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Sun, 11-04-2007 - 1:12am

I'm not so sure that this break

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