Partners with kids, detached couple
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Partners with kids, detached couple
| Thu, 10-04-2007 - 12:09am |
We've been live in partners for a couple years. Most of those with my children (elementary age). Occasionally his kids visit (preeteens and teen). He is a decade and a half older than I and we come from different cultures. After a summer with his kids and not mine, life changed forever. Honestly, he put it this way "my kids are 100%" in terms of what time he has for me when they are around even if it is for a month straight. Since then and before, it has gone from our place to "our place" with him feeling so in the "out" that he has been putting a lot of the expectations, and pressures of whose is what space etc. He talks about equality and our place, but there are terrible double standards when it comes to his kids and my kids(his kids always being accommodated to feel at home, mine having to acquiesce their space to be accommodating to make his kids feel like it is their home), common space, and there are confusing messages about wanting me to do more on my own (which is funny because I am independent to a fault and spend most of my time with and about my kids) and wanting to have the house like a museum suddenly because his kids don't like our pets, and lifestyle, and starting to put down and enforce rules he never enforced with his kids as an absent corporate dad and especially now a guilty one, nor are these perspectives my way to raise my own. He works, does TV to relax, hangs with his pets, and sleeps. I have to bug him to spend time with me...with or without his kids around. he wants sex, but as sex and straight to the point. Not much interest in what I do. No love making, no romantic time. Boy, that was fast to hit the wall of daily life isn't it? And oh, i work PT, raise my kids, pay my own way all the way, and homeschool as well. I feel like there is a lot of expectations that i am not ready to accept in what I felt was my and our home, and now feels like his home, with him living in it kind of on his own. Yes we need therapy, but we cannot afford it at this point. Just got out of a divorce of a long marriage....this feels like where I was at at the 8th year and not 2nd. He claims to love me...that i am it. But i feel like I am there for the left over time and according to his "ideal" lifestyle. He doesn't seem interested in me, my stuff or my mind at this point. This wasn't like this 6 months ago. Any insight? thank you...i know this is alot..but we are hanging by a string, and i can't make sense of what happened.

Welcome to the board gcnewyork,
Have you tried talking to him about all of this and letting him know how you feel? If so, than how did he react?
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