Past issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Past issues
9
Sun, 05-25-2008 - 6:15am

My BF of 17 months spent 13 years in a very abusive relationship-yes the opposite & embarassing reverse of a woman-physical-emotional & dealt with his ex GF's

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
In reply to: ducky2006
Sun, 05-25-2008 - 9:23am

Everyone can be perfect in the beginning, ducky; but perfect is deceptive. No one is perfect. You finally saw a facet of him that WASN'T perfect, and while it's like a man you don't know, what it really is is part of someone you just haven't seen before and it's really good you found out about this side of him.

It may help to hear I think you're both handling things correctly. He does need some time off from dating, it was not wise to end a relationship ESPECIALLY an unhealthy one and jump into another so soon. He may not love her anymore but he's clearly not over the way he was treated or the person he was with her. You are right, he sounds like a good person to the core... That's why he doesn't want to hurt you when Hyde shows his face.

I hope he comes back to you but I think he should take more than a couple of months to himself preferably with a therapist before he's ready again. These kinds of things don't go away overnight. I definitely do not think you should put yourself 100% on hold for him. If he wants to come back, though, make sure you know what he fixed and how he fixed it. Good luck!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
In reply to: ducky2006
Sun, 05-25-2008 - 12:03pm

'I had expressed that I didn't feel it was much time to be out of 1 relationship before begining another.'


You were right. You were thinking logically and he was going with what felt good. It also seems like he lied about the relationship, omitting the

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
In reply to: ducky2006
Sun, 05-25-2008 - 1:52pm

He did admit to being pushed to the brink by her drunken outbursts. He has scars from where he has been cut by her-he used to flinch anytime my hand went near his face. He & his sister had basically been abandoned by their mother when they were very young also. I don't doubt that has something to do with the reasons he stayed & tried to 'fix' that relationship.


He has stressed open comunication & has folllowed thru. I know my feelings of restlessness the end of January have caused what he states is" not having a sense of security" in this relationship .


All

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
In reply to: ducky2006
Sun, 05-25-2008 - 4:30pm
Has he been to therapy?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
In reply to: ducky2006
Sun, 05-25-2008 - 7:57pm
No & I wouldn't even know how to broach it. I had considered couples therapy though for us-again no idea how he 'd react to the idea. I do not feel these are issues that are insurmountable-I feel they can be worked thru.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: ducky2006
Sun, 05-25-2008 - 9:59pm

Welcome to the board ducky2006,


::When we met he had only been out of this 2 months & I had expressed that I didn't feel it was much time to be out of 1 relationship before begining another.


Lots of us ignore our gut feeling.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
In reply to: ducky2006
Mon, 05-26-2008 - 12:09pm
As I said in my origional post the "taking a break" is something I just don't get. I have yet to pinoint is this over-is this a case of some time needed to resolve issues-what exactly is this? His message of "I feel some
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
In reply to: ducky2006
Mon, 05-26-2008 - 12:25pm

'I will assume he is indeed gon euntil I see-hear otherwise.'


That sounds like the right thing to do. He is too confused about his life to even answer your question or not strong enough to tell you the truth. Either way, he isn't in a place right now to have a relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: ducky2006
Mon, 05-26-2008 - 2:15pm