the past surfaced

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2010
the past surfaced
8
Wed, 08-17-2011 - 8:25am

I have found out from old texts that my boyfriend of 8 months was still seeing another girl the first month we where going out together. He was inviting her over to his place, and we were sleeping together already. i know that that's not the person he is now and I know that once he commited to me there was no one else.

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Wed, 08-17-2011 - 10:42am

Sleeping together doesn't automatically equate to exclusive relationship. So yes you may have been sleeping with him at the same time he was with this other girl but if you two didn't have the exclusivity talk, then he was free to do as he pleased. I am assuming that by him committing to you, you mean you had the exclusivity talk, so if there has been no problem since this talk, then you have nothing to be worried about.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Wed, 08-17-2011 - 12:49pm

As the other poster said.......unless he agreed to "exclusivity" before you ever got into bed with him.....he did nothing wrong.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-17-2011 - 1:52pm

There is no basis forgiveness for doing that blindly means you are setting yourself up to be a chump again.

I think you are using "shoulds" and "suppose tos"

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2010
Wed, 08-17-2011 - 1:54pm
No we hadn t had the exclusivity talk yet. But I ve always had a doubt that things hadn't ended between them and I've asked him more than once. Up until he had the txts in front of him he was still saying that things had ended before they started with us. And all I could do was believe him until I had proof. I looked through his old phone cause its the 3 rd time I'm finding txts which he did not tell me about and I just couldn't help it. I'm quite honest, maybe too much. But I think this is the last straw for me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2010
Wed, 08-17-2011 - 1:57pm
Cause I'm 27 years old and this is the most decent I've been treated!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2010
Wed, 08-17-2011 - 2:06pm
He did apologise and admited that he had been stupid and didn't know where we were going till that time. Its after and these last 3 months that things started to get proper serious. I just wish he tells me about this stuff. He says he doesn't cause he doesn't want to upset me. I say it's just an excuse cause me finding out is much worse.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Thu, 08-18-2011 - 12:27am

If you're 27 years old, and this is the BEST you've ever been treated, you must have been with some real losers before him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 08-18-2011 - 8:22am

"There is no basis forgiveness for doing that blindly means you are setting yourself up to be a chump again." -This, from mhash, is really important.

Sorry but seven months doesn't change a man's personality. If this is the best you've been treated, I'd say that at least you're improving, but you're dating someone who is not really honest and doesn't seem to have a lot of integrity. I'd think really hard about whether you really want to invest in this person.