phone calls

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2003
phone calls
4
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 11:15am
Well I am 36 years old and I have been married for almost ten years. I am not sure what i should make of this situation, i am married to a harworking man, he is good with the kids and we seem to be okay. The other day while making a call on his cell phone, I came across a woman's name whom i recognized as a woman we both know, him longer. I knew her father had died over the summer and he went to the wake. Well turns out he told her to call him if she needed someone to talk to, being his mother died about 10 years before. Wel l she must have taken him up on it and has called about 5 to 6 times.. I feel like he should have told me this was going on.. He says it was no big deal and didn't even think of it. I am feeling alittle betrayed and don't know why he wouldn't tell me. He says they just talked on the phone and he consoled her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: tonilynn1941
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 12:41pm
Its unfortunate that you made the CHOICE to consider a negative spin rather than a positive spin to this. A positive spin is that he is kind and gracious to listen to a friend in need.

Given that you choose the negative spin, snooped in his cell phone and think of this as a betrayal makes me wonder if you lack trust in your husband. Since you snooped in his cell phone, did you notice if he initiated a call to her or did he only accept calls from her?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: tonilynn1941
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 1:44pm
I can totally understand how you feel. It's nice that he offered and he probably didn't think she would take him up on the offer, but now he may like being needed by someone, helping someone, giving comfort can make a person feel good about themselves. Yet, it is a step towards sharing more than you intend to and igniting a friendship into something more than a friendship.....my question would be the same as yours 'why didn't he tell you, 'oh, so and so called me the other day'

When was the last time he talked to her?


Carrie

Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: tonilynn1941
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 2:40pm
Let's look at this situation logically.

This is a woman you both know who is a close enough friend that your husband went to her father's wake.

Your husband spoke to her on the phone a few times during the process of her grieving for her father.

IMO, this is a totally normal thing and does not raise any red flags. So what that he didn't tell you that she called? Do you trust your husband? If so, then what is the problem? The man consoled a friend who was grieving the loss of her father.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2003
In reply to: tonilynn1941
Fri, 01-02-2004 - 8:42pm
You are a smart women. No matter how much you think you know some one sometimes they surprise you. I agree with some of what the responses have been but don't let anyone try to tell you, you are wrong for having the thaughts you have. Your taking good care of yourself and hopefully what your husband told you is the truth. I would let this calm over but still be on your toes & watch for anything else that doesnt sit right with you. If It all starts to compile then I would react & you probably would have that instinct every women has to do what you know is best.

Good Luck

ab25