Photos of ex in bedroom
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Photos of ex in bedroom
| Wed, 06-09-2004 - 4:07pm |
Hi: I've been dating a guy for two months. He was previously married for 7 years, at the young age of 22, has been divorced for 3 years and has a 7 year old daughter (enough numbers for you?) At any rate, I visited him at his office one day and he had a photo of him, his wife and his daughter in front of the Christmas tree from 3-4 years ago. I commented on it. He said "well, she's my daughter's mother, she'll alway be around." Then, when he invited me to his house, he had an 8x10 of his daughter and his wife on the counter between the living room and kitchen, a wide open space. Then, he shows me his room where he has 3 or 4 photos of him and her, him, her and his daughter on the shelf above his bed! That was too much. Way too much. I didn't say anything until the next time we met. I told him then that it really hurt to see those, that I felt photos were very symbolic. He did remove most of them after that, but still left one above the bed, and the 8x10 of her and his daughter. I would understand photos of the child's mother in the daughter's room, but don't get it in his. I should also mention that he has shared with me that he has "massive guilt issues" over asking for a divorce (even though he wife had been cheating on him for 3 years), talks about his ex often, and has obvious anger towards her. He has also told me that he doesn't know if he can live with someone again as he's gotten used to his independence, but at the same time wanted to be sure I was interested in marriage. Am I wasting my time? I'm older and want to have children, so honestly I don't want to spend time with a man who can't commit and I'm wondering if all of this points to that? Thoughts?

I know when I divorced my ex, I was in rage, and really could not date for another three years. There was a lot of work I had to do on myself, before I could avail myself to someone. I did the rebound thing, and looking back, I was just like "what was I thinking???????" no where near in the right mind set.
I think you deserve better.
Jo
You have a few choices to make. You can either wait it out patiently and just be there for him...bear it with a grin....or you can cut you losses and move on. There is no guarantee that he'll ever get over this. It could take a few more months or a few years. Its basically about how much you are willing to take. Its not easy being the next one and I can totally see where you are coming from. You have a very tough decision in front of you - the answer lies within -- sorry for sounding like a fortune cookie!
I wish you much luck and be strong.
It doesn't sound like he is emotionally available for a good relationship. I think he needs to see why his ex cheated on him - perhaps her needs were not met? I am not saying it is right to cheat but there are always 2 sides to every story.
One guy I dated, who was divorced for 3 years, had not come to terms with his ex wanting a divorce. He never really saw the contributions he made towards her decision and held a lot of guilt. He turned out to be too flaky - could not fall in love.
I don't like that he had to get permission from his daughter to date you. I don't like so many photos being displayed and I don't like his attitude and unresolved issues.
It is just too easy to say, "NEXT!" and take the path of least resistance.