phyiscal realtions problem
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|Sun, 06-01-2003 - 11:49am|
The other problem is, my husband has let himself go physically. His doctor told him that he is obese and needs to do something about it. He has tried on and off over the years, but never sticks to it. He makes absolute horrible choices. Along with that, he does not care about how he looks or some aspects of hygiene and good health. I do all I can to help him, I shop and cook healthy. I join in on exercise routines. I support and compliment. But at times he becomes very defensive and obstinate. I suppose sometimes out of embarrassment. Recently, when getting ready to go to dinner with our family, he puts on socks inside out, old faded sweat shorts and a T-shirt top that didn’t match. All I did was ask that he change because of where we were going, he needed to wear something more appropriate and he got mad at me. Then his anger sets me off because I should not even have to tell him things like this. This is a college educated grown man!
I have started off gently in telling him what I feel would make me more sexually attracted to him, but that didn't work. I stopped the mothering roles in getting him to seek care and I laid off on reminding him about dentist/doctor appts, because I am his wife not mother, plus I didn't want to be a nag. He seemed to improve on his own, then went back to his ways. We went on to more serious discussions, because the entire situation, and lack of physical relationship is a serious issue. We even did some counseling.
I need a man who is not overweight, and one who takes care of himself, and dresses and acts as if his appearance mattered. Not that this is the only thing that matters, but seems to be important to me. Just by doing that, I'm sure I would feel more attracted even if the weight problem is still there, because it shows me that he cares about himself, and how I view him.
I told him how serious this was, he is trying again. I really don't trust that he will stick with it, he hasn't in the past. When trying in the past, I also tried on the physical aspect of our relationship, we were intimate, and I felt at those times, it would all work out, and I was very positive. Then he lets things get out of control. I am so upset that it has come down to me not wanting have sexual relations at all. What can I do to help this situation become a better one? I just can't get myself to be in the mood. It's terrible, and terrible of me. When I turn him down, he becomes very upset, which I understand, but then he is in a bad mood all day, and all I can think is this is your own fault, so why be mad at me?
I ask myself how could I feel this way, when I should love him no matter what, I do love him, it’s just the physical part, so then I ask myself why is this so important to me?