Please give advise/answers

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Please give advise/answers
1
Sun, 01-04-2004 - 2:31pm
Hello, I am so glad I found this board, I hope somebody can give me some insight. I am a 36 year old woman and I live with my boyfriend (boyfriend sounds strange at 36) anywho... We had a brief fling about ten years ago and then met again last summer and fell hard for each other again. (I had a marriage in between that time) We did not have sex for about a month because I held out, and he really didn't ever push the issue, ultimately it was me who made the first move toward sex. We are in our 8th month of living together and we get along great, have fun together, and act like we are married except that we meybe have sex once a month. We both talk about it but it never happens. We both joke and say we need to have more sex, but it still doesn't happen. He has said that he doesn't last very long unless he's drank a few drinks, which I don't think is true at all. Because when we do have sex things work just fine! I am scared to make the first move because he has turned me down a few times, but he says he is shy and won't make the first move either! Lack of Communication!! I just don't feel like I can talk to him about this very well without putting my foot in my mouth or making him mad. I'm starting to feel like there is something wrong with me. Our relationship is solid except for that big issue, he calls whenever he's going to be late, he calls for no reason at all, and he tells me I'm doing a great job in college and also has told me to cut down my hours at work and he'll take care of my share of the rent so I can get through nursing school. I just don't get it :( What do I do? Please help. Paige
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Sun, 01-04-2004 - 3:02pm
It sounds as though your boyfriend has a really low sex drive - and you don't. Maybe? If that's the case, you've got to think about whether that's something you could live with. But IMO, if you've only been going out for eight months and already you're only having sex once a month - I'd see that as big problem - sex is a huge part of a relationship and sexual incompatibility is most certainly a deal breaker for many people. Either that or he has issues with his sexuality.

Peace - Pebbles


Edited 1/4/2004 3:06:46 PM ET by pebbles665