Please give me your opinion

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Please give me your opinion
2
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 2:51pm
Hello everyone,
I've never posted here before, and now that I am, I am asking a question about a friend. She is in her late twenties, and her bf is in his early 30's. They have been dating almost 4 years now, and she very much wants a physical relationship with him but he refuses. They are both virgins. He says he's afraid she'll get pregnant. They sleep in the same bed, and have some activity occasionally, but never intercourse, and not much of anything else. He is very good to her otherwise, but he will not commit to a future with her, even after all this time. I suspect him of being gay (my husband, who has met him, says there is no doubt of this) and not being honest with himself (and her), or I think he's got no sex drive. I don't think he would be any more interested if they were married. I would respect his not wanting a physical relationship if he had a religious or philosophical reason behind it, but this pregnancy excuse is ridiculous. That can be prevented, since she is on the pill, and he can take his own precaution as well. It seems to be that a man his age should not be afraid to have a more mature, adult relationship, and he should know by four years whether he wants to marry her.
I have expressed these concerns to her (when she asks), but she gets mad when I'm honest. My question to you women: Does this seem odd to you as well? If this were your friend, would you be wholeheartedly supportive of this relationship? How long is long enough to decide whether or not to get married, and what are your thoughts on withholding sex before marriage for reasons like this?
Thanks in advance to anyone who answers....

Cat 

Mom to 5: DS-17, DD-16, DD-11, DD-9, DS-7

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 3:57pm

Welcome to the board catk1 -


Well, it sounds to me that you have done all you can as a good friend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 4:36pm

catk1,


If he really wanted to have sex with her, he would do it. The pregnancy thing is just an excuse because like you said she is on the pill and he can wear a condom. It seems you have done all you can do. She must decide how long she is willing to wait for him to make a decision about their future. All you can do now is listen to her when she wants to talk.


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