Please Help

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2004
Please Help
2
Sun, 10-10-2004 - 5:36pm
I have been dating my bf for 2 yrs. I became pregnant in May of this yr. Before I became pregnant he and I both drank on a regular basis. As soon as I found out I was expecting, I immediately quit. The problem is he hasn't. I don't really expect him to quit completely, just atleast slow down. I understand that I'm the one pregnant, but it really scares me to think that he won't have anything to do with this child. I mean he's a great man, he's always treated me great, and for the most part we have a strong relationship, except for the drinking. I've tried to reason with him and make him understand that things are different now, but it just doesn't sink with him. My father was an alcoholic and for the most part, I really didn't have a father, and the thought of my child having to grow up like me, well it makes me sick to my stomach. I'm just so confused. I'm out of ideas, can anyone offer any good advice
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2004
In reply to: jennys2204
Sun, 10-10-2004 - 5:48pm
First of all, Congratulations on your pregnancy! How exciting !!!

Don't worry you aren't alone with this problem. I have a friend who is pregnant and her husband works away some weeks, and when he gets back in town, instead of going to see his pregnant wife, he goes to the bar for drinks! I know it's really crappy to know that your life had to immediately change and that your boyfriends didn't really yet...and it really sucks to watch others drink and party while you sit on the sidelines, i've been there and still am (pregnant last year, breast feeding this year and cannot remember what booze tastes like anymore lol). The thing is to keep positive, and keep communicating. Your boyfriend may think these are the last times to live it up before the baby comes and is life really has to change. In the mean time, let him know that you feel disrespected, and lonely when he drinks and knows that you cannot. if there's one think i know about men, it's that: if you don't tell them EXACTLY how it is...they'll never know.

Stay strong and keep positive, its important in pregnancy, and in life. your baby needs you the most, I'm sure your boyfriend will come around, just tell him about your father and emphasize that you don't want him to be a dead beat dad...that'll make reality kick in for him. I really hope i helped :)

Kylilla.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
In reply to: jennys2204
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 8:32am

I myself grew up in a similar enviroment, so I can relate to exactley what your feeling...only thing I can reccomend is that you find out why you were drinking right along with up untill this baby, so you dont do it in the future. Same with your SO. Maybe you could both go to some AA classes together.


Bottom line, is this has to change. Wjether its with him or without him....alcoholism shouldnt be tolerated.


Here is a hotline you can call:


Alcohol Abuse and Crisis Intervention
800-234-0246