please help

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2004
please help
4
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 12:23pm
Hi everyone!! i am new to this board. i have participated in ivillage boards before but not this one, so im new. i am just wondering if anyone has any advice on trust. my last boyfriend who i was with for 3 1/2 yrs cheated on me and i never found out til we broke up. now i have a new boyfriend and we have been together 6 months. and he has never done anything to make me not trust him. we are really serious in our relationship. (for the forst 6 mos we were on and off but then the past 6 mos have been really serious) anyways he is in vegas playing in a pool tournament that he and his teammates won a trip to go to. he did ask me to go and did tell me that he wouldnt go if i didnt want him to. but i said no to both. no im flipping out cuz im so worried something is gonna happen there. i trust him its just that i worry A LOT and i dont know what to do. is there anyone out there who can help?? please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
In reply to: ladyrae14
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 3:51pm
I know how you feel.... I've been in similar situations and I am only 19.... anyways... my advice to you would be stay in touch with him a lot. Sometimes you can tell by the way he talks to you if something is going on. For example... if he's really quick to answer you like he wants to go.... or if he's not even paying attention to you at all. Also ask what all he has done that day... sometimes something he tells you he did may not seem like something he would REALLY do. Those are just a few things to think about. Hope this helps.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: ladyrae14
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 4:12pm
It is unfair and unreasonable to judge your current BF based on the actions of your XBF. They are two different people with different morals, values and directions in life. Would you want to be judged based on someone else from his past? I doubt it.

The biggest part of trust is being able to trust yourself that you can deal with whatever happens in a mature adult manner. If you worry and nag him about it or place very demanding restrictions on him it proves that you do not trust him and it will push him away. Trust is a choice that only you can make.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: ladyrae14
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 4:19pm
ladyrae14...

Pianoguy suggests that you try to get the thoughts of the 3.5 year relationship (that went bad) out of your head. All of us DON'T behave that way!

You were given 2 opportunities to say the word: "NO" by the new b/f...but you chose not to join him in Vegas nor prevent him from going. So why not try TRUSTING HIM? Granted, the idea sounds a lot easier than carrying it off. But if the 2 of you are communicating and you don't act like a "VERBAL BULLY"---there's nothing to worry about. The next time you talk on the telephone together---tell him to beat the pants off his "pool table opponents" because you're getting...err...frisky!

Your suggestion might actually IMPROVE HIS GAME...and GET HIM HOME TO YOU QUICKER? It's just an idea.

Best wishes from...

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2004
In reply to: ladyrae14
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 12:02pm
hey painoguy and all those who responded!! thank you so much for your advice i really needed it and you are all right, i need to trust. it is just hard but thanks for all the encouraement!!