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please help
| Thu, 09-09-2004 - 12:23pm |
Hi everyone!! i am new to this board. i have participated in ivillage boards before but not this one, so im new. i am just wondering if anyone has any advice on trust. my last boyfriend who i was with for 3 1/2 yrs cheated on me and i never found out til we broke up. now i have a new boyfriend and we have been together 6 months. and he has never done anything to make me not trust him. we are really serious in our relationship. (for the forst 6 mos we were on and off but then the past 6 mos have been really serious) anyways he is in vegas playing in a pool tournament that he and his teammates won a trip to go to. he did ask me to go and did tell me that he wouldnt go if i didnt want him to. but i said no to both. no im flipping out cuz im so worried something is gonna happen there. i trust him its just that i worry A LOT and i dont know what to do. is there anyone out there who can help?? please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The biggest part of trust is being able to trust yourself that you can deal with whatever happens in a mature adult manner. If you worry and nag him about it or place very demanding restrictions on him it proves that you do not trust him and it will push him away. Trust is a choice that only you can make.
Pianoguy suggests that you try to get the thoughts of the 3.5 year relationship (that went bad) out of your head. All of us DON'T behave that way!
You were given 2 opportunities to say the word: "NO" by the new b/f...but you chose not to join him in Vegas nor prevent him from going. So why not try TRUSTING HIM? Granted, the idea sounds a lot easier than carrying it off. But if the 2 of you are communicating and you don't act like a "VERBAL BULLY"---there's nothing to worry about. The next time you talk on the telephone together---tell him to beat the pants off his "pool table opponents" because you're getting...err...frisky!
Your suggestion might actually IMPROVE HIS GAME...and GET HIM HOME TO YOU QUICKER? It's just an idea.
Best wishes from...
Pianoguy