please help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2004
please help!
3
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 7:19am
My partner has been very moody lately. I can't seem to do anything right. Then he will twists all the blames on me after I have gone out of my way to see that his needs are entirely met and he is happy. He ignores me, won't speak or kiss me hello or goodbye, almost as if he is puishing me, This has been going on periodically for over a year. My work and my health suffer, my whole being. My son also suffers, as he sees me depressed and sleeping on the couch. When I ask him to talk with me, he laughs at me...I don't know anymore why I love him...I have alot invested in this relationship and I am scared to let go...When he is ok with the world, he's great..Otherwise, he seems to like to see me suffer..please help....
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2004
In reply to: muddyday
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 9:19am
Does your husband suffer from depression? Is there something in his work/professional life that is causing him stress? How is his general health? You might want to tell him how his behavior is affecting you and your son. See if he is open to looking at what is going on in the relationship. Sometimes men just don't realize the impact of their behavior but once it is brought to their attention, they "get it" and change. If an open discussion does not help, and if he won't go to counseling with you, then you need to find a good counselor and go alone.Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2004
In reply to: muddyday
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 6:45am
Yes, he has many stress-related issues and I am sure he has some depression. He complains about work, the home, traffic, people, life in general. He will not see a doctor and I don't know how I can get him out of this funk. I am very tired...this has happened periodically over the last year. I ended up at the doctor's myself yesterday, as my work is suffering and I thought I was having a nervous breakdown. A large part of me would like to leave and let him wallow in his own self-pity, but then the other part of me hurts so bad for him and us and the home we have created together. I want to pack my things and not look back but my heart is heavy and broken and I love him so. I can't talk with him. He won't talk with me...I am so lost and want to crawl into a hole and pray he will help me out...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
In reply to: muddyday
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 10:29pm
Hi muddyday...I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this. The poster above has some good advice. But it doesn't look like your husband cares how his treatment of you is hurting you and your son or that he is open to looking at what is going on in the relationship. You've tried to talk to him and he laughs at you. The way your husband treats you - not giving you any affection whatsoever, criticizing everything you do, blaming you for not doing enough or good enough for him, refusing to communicate with you along with the laughing at you when you try to talk to him, his purposely doing or saying things to hurt you - this is very cruel, it's emotional and verbal abuse. The effects of abuse can be debilitating, and you're suffering in so many ways. You're having problems with your health, problems with your job, problems with several areas of your life as a result of this relationship. And your son is having problems and is suffering too. Please visit the Dealing with Domestic Abuse board here on the relationships channel and check out the abuse checklists on the homepage and other information and resources. You will find answers to many of your questions. Also, you could post there. The women there will understand and welcome you. Do an online search on domestic abuse or verbal and emotional abuse. Search amazon for books. The Verbally Abusive Relationship is a good one, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft will have many answers to the questions you have. The more you know about what you're dealing with and what options you have, the less there is to fear. Good luck to you.