Please Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2004
Please Help!
8
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 8:22pm
I'v been in a realionship for 3 years now. We met at work and started hanging out as friends and it grew from there. We have the best communication I could ever of imagined having, we laugh and have fun with eachother and we dont argue over the little things. But out problem resides in RELIGION. I was never really brought up religous but that doesnt mean I dont beleive in god, I just think that all the diffrent churches are confusing and how can you tell whats right. Anyway, he is MUSLIM and he beleives very strongly in his religion he would like to teach his future children the religion (which I agreed to because his religion has made him such a wonderful person and I dont think its a bad religion) but the problem is he wants his wife to be muslim too so there isnt any confusion with the children or conflict between us. I'v read some of the religion and I dont completely disagree with it, but converting to this religion would he a VERY BIG thing. I feel as if I would be compromising who I am if I convert. We have talked about it over and over and we couldnt find a middle. Its either this or nothing and I cant ask him to give up his beleifs. I would really like to hear everyones advice. Am I being selfish? Should I do it for love? Please help!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 9:06pm
'Its either this or nothing '

That's right. He is so strong in his convictions that you must assume he won't change.

So what will you do? Will you resent him if you convert? Will you feel comfortable raising kids this way. What about youru families and friends? How will they feel and how will that affect you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 9:20pm
Well I dont have a problem raising the children that way. My family on the other hand will be dissapointed they wont be over for christmas. I could never resent him for my decision, but I wouldnt want it to change who I am. And my friends and family will stand by me in whatever I decide even if they disagree because its not there lives. I'm just curious how other people feel about converting to another religion for someone they love. Am I being selfish by not doing this for him. Or do you think its a bad idea... I dont know! I have been pondering this for so long now I just want peoples opinions. ANE I DONT WANT TO WEAR THE THING TO COVER MY HAIR!!! that is one part of the reiligion I think is silly and missunderstood.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 7:39am
I would not convert to another religion and I would not ask the other person to convert either. The way I see it, there are a lot of different religions in the world and this is part of the reality of living on Earth. When 2 people of different religions marry they should both continue to celebrate their own religions. This shows tolerance for the other person and his beliefs. However, if you were to convert, you would no doubt feel resentful that you have had to give up something to marry him while he has not given up anything. Also, I would particularly not want to convert to a religion that makes women second class citizens. Just think carefully about what you are doing (and do some research) before you make this commitment. Iri
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 9:19am

I personally don't believe that people should convert to

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 9:29am
oops sorry for the CL cap....
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 1:49pm
Making a religious commitment is a very big step. I understand you love this man and want to start a life with him, but you must seriously consider what you're about to do.

No religion is completely permissive. Every one has its rules and guidelines. But the Muslim faith has very strict guidelines regarding women. Even more permissive sectors of the US Muslim faith have restrictions that you, as a non-denominational person, may find constricting. I would suggest you research what your role would be as a Muslim wife before committing to the religion.

Ultimately, your committment and relationship to God is a very personal decision. You should make the choice not in order to win someone's heart but to open your heart to what you believe is God's truth. Choose a religion based on what your heart tells you is the true gospel, or Word of God, not based on your heart pining for a man. A religious promise made under false terms will not be one you hold yourself to in the long run. Think long and hard about your expectations of life and marriage before making this big step.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 2:55pm
He seems inflexible to me. Like it's his way or the highway. I can appreciate his strong beliefs and that he stands up for them and follows them. Those are good traits. You sound very conflicted over whether you want to convert to Islam. If you do convert, you better be 100% sure this is what you want. It is a huge step, and deciding you no longer want to practice it somewhere down the road , after you are married with kids etc., is going to be a huge problem. I think it is great he is being up front and honest with you about what he believes and wants. Now you have to be honest with yourself about what you can do, and you can't do it 100%, then the right thing is to move on. thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2004
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 1:51am
I just dont know what to do