PLEASE HELP

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2004
PLEASE HELP
2
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 5:24pm
I know this is long but please read it I NEED HELP

my ex and I dated for a year and a half and then he very suddenly broke up with me because he was moving to dc and I was in school in RI so I couldn't move. He did not contact me for 3 months and then in November he called me saying how much he missed me and how our time apart had made him realize how important and special I was to him. He wanted to get back together right away but I felt that we should take it slowly. We visited each other an number of times and things were going really well. In March he came to RI for 2 weeks and said he was certain he'd be moving back within the next month. We began making plans to spend the summer together as well. It was clear though, that he was falling into a deep depression and he has clinical depression and is not on medication. Again, very suddenly, he called me two weeks later hysterical saying that we couldn't be in touch anymore that we could only write letters and that he wouldn't be moving to RI. When I said that this was really the end for me he began crying hysterically and dry heaving. The next day he called and said that he really couldn't be in touch anymore. Then, the following night and next day I got two voicemails from him saying that he had had a terrible dream and all that he wanted was me and that it would be a horrible, horrible thing to lose me from his life. So I called him and he said that he wanted to treat me right and to come up for my birthday and he promised he would start getting help for his depression. I said I needed some time to think about that birthday thing. We talked non-stop for a week and then I asked him to come up for my birthday over a voicemail. On my birthday he called saying he wouldn't be able to make it and I was upset over something else and he offered to fly up that night but he was in the middle of painting someone's apartment so I said he should finish that and we would celbrate another time. He called me later leaving a very sweet message saying he couldn't wait to celebrate my birthday with me and then I talked to him that night and he sounded funny and said he couldn't talk but that he would call tomarrow because he wanted to hear all about my birthday. I didn't hear from him for 2 weeks--he wouldn't answer my calls or return my calls. When I finally did get in touch with him he told me he couldn't be my sweety anymore because he was seeing someone else who he'd met in February (this was now the end of april). Then he began the hysterics again, crying, throwing up, saying he couldn't decide, he loved me but he liked her, they met when they were both very lonely blah, blah, blah. He said he'd call that night with a decision. He never called and I knew he was moving out of DC and back home to NY so I went to NY unexpected and asked for a decision. He seemed very happy to see me and wanted to spend the weekend together but said that he would not break it off with this other girl "it's not an either or" and that he was going back to dc for 1 month to paint her apartment before moving back to NY. He was hysterical AGAIN with the crying and dryheaving saying he loved me but this other person was special to him and that they really liked each other. I finally said, then I have to make a decision, and he got hysterical and did not want me to leave. I finally said, "what does your heart tell you" and he said "I want to be with other girls." This other woman he is seeing is 34--- he is 23. What the hell is going on here? He is still incredibly depressed but just started treatment and medication. I feel confused, angry, heartbroken, and deceived. HELP.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
In reply to: daisybo
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 5:37pm
'What the hell is going on here? '

He has a sickness that he needs to take responsbility for. You are a victim of his unpredictablilty. How can you live that way, not knowing what he will decide to do, think or feel at any given moment? He manipulates you with his hysterical crying. Do you want to live your life this way?

Walk away and find someone who is more stable.

If the medication stabilizes him I would still be wary of some who cheats on you and states that he really wants to date other women. That is not a sign of someone who wants what you want and don't blame the depression on those actions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
In reply to: daisybo
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 7:10pm
I understand that you love this man, but is this something that you want to deal with in a long lasting relationship? If he is saying that he wants to see other women, let him find some one else. He is an emotional rollercoster that you don't need. He needs to get on the medication and he needs to figure out for himself what is right for him. Don't let him bring you down in all of his craziness.