Please help desperately seeking advice
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Please help desperately seeking advice
| Sun, 10-03-2004 - 2:46pm |
Please help. I am so upset right now. I have being seeing a guy for about 8 months now. Recently, we started getting closer, it seemed. He just came out of a long term relationship and didn't want to be in a comitted relationship, so I was giving him time and space but I love him and don't want anything more than to be with him. Oftentimes, I have been feeling frustrated and didn't know what to do. I haven't being with anyone but him for 5 months, but he doesn't believe that.
A few days ago I told me ex and his friend that maybe I'll go hang out with them on Saturday. I just wanted to go out, take my mind off things. I know it was wrong, but I was so frustrated. I didn' call my ex that day and was hoping that he got the point that I'm not going out. But I was at my guy's house when my ex's friend called my cell and asked if we're on for tonight. My guy heard this and right away said he will take me home. I also lied to him about sleeping with my ex 5 months ago but he doesn't believe that I haven't being with anyone but him since then. He called me a lier and doesn't want to be with me.
I am so desperate right now. I will do anything not to lose him. Please, tell me what I can do to get a second chance? I love him so much and I am so sorry I hurt him.
He has been sleeping with other women as well, more recent than me, but he says that he has always being honest about it and that's the difference.
Please help
A few days ago I told me ex and his friend that maybe I'll go hang out with them on Saturday. I just wanted to go out, take my mind off things. I know it was wrong, but I was so frustrated. I didn' call my ex that day and was hoping that he got the point that I'm not going out. But I was at my guy's house when my ex's friend called my cell and asked if we're on for tonight. My guy heard this and right away said he will take me home. I also lied to him about sleeping with my ex 5 months ago but he doesn't believe that I haven't being with anyone but him since then. He called me a lier and doesn't want to be with me.
I am so desperate right now. I will do anything not to lose him. Please, tell me what I can do to get a second chance? I love him so much and I am so sorry I hurt him.
He has been sleeping with other women as well, more recent than me, but he says that he has always being honest about it and that's the difference.
Please help

if you want a relationship that includes trust and love - then you have to first work on who YOU are (and learn to stop the lying and the cheating and the playing games), build up your self esteem so that you
Let me put in my two cents' worth. While I was reading your post, it sounds like your life is so incredibly complicated! It also seems to me like your relationships are very high maintenance. How much time and effort is going into all of this, and how are these relationships really benefitting you?
Right from the beginning, you said your guy just got out of a relationship. Now you're calling up your ex? My dear- I think it's time for a time out here to really think about all this. From your man's point of view, he was just starting to heal from a big hurt in his life, then he finds out his new lady-love is still associated with her ex? How is this poor man ever going to be able to trust you?
You sound like you are very lonely, a little *too* lonely. Women seem to make a lot of mistakes when they're motivated by their loneliness. Don't think that this man is the last man in the world and that he's the only one who would want you in this life. Concentrate on reaching your full potential. If your man really loves you, he'll admire you and want to come back to you. If he doesn't, you've lost nothing. Besides, if he's still sleeping around with others, he's not committed. Have enough respect for yourself to be committed to your loved ones, and to demand the same respect.
there are mistakes - and there are mistakes. buying the wrong brand of cereal is a mistake. taking the wrong exit is a mistake.both of cheated on each other - this is not a "mistake" - this is indicative of a very unhealthy relationship. <<>> not every mistake is fixable - and not every relationship is worth saving...
In the meantime, grieve for what might have been, for what could have been, for what you hoped would have been. Sorry for your pain.
Carrie
Also, of COURSE he doesn't believe that you haven't slept with anyone else since you slept with your ex and then lied about it. I mean, who would. Read that sentence again. You SLEPT with your EX and then LIED about it to the "love of your life". Now, if you were in his shoes can you HONESTLY say that you'd believe him? I doubt it. He has every right to second guess you because you are a liar. I mean, that's not who you are and you probably don't lie all the time, but from doing what you did, you turned yourself into a liar and he has every right to call you that.
Now...<<>>
...The problem here is that it doesn't sound like two people love eachother. It sounds like you love him...because he's still openly sleeping around and he told you that he didn't want a committed relationship. So the rules are kind of different. I mean, sleeping with someone might seem like a "mistake" to you, but you just don't ooops, accidentally sleep with someone. It's less of a mistake, more of a regret. Also...what does he need to take responsibility for? He just got out of a relationship when you started dating and then told you he didn't want a committment and then told you who he was dating and sleeping with. Sounds like he took responsibility and told you everything. You chose to stay with him reguardless and then kept lying to him. You should feel guilty and responsible because you "cheated" and lied twice. I don't see what he should feel guilty for.
Anyway, sorry for the lecture. I'll slap myself for it later I'm sure. My advice is that if you want a boyfriend, if you WANT a committment, then find someone who wants one as well. You deserve a guy that only wants to be with you and is honest and committed to you...and a guy who you will do the same for. Why do you stay with this guy if you want something more and he doesn't want anything to do with you now? If you REALLY want this guy (for some reason) then wait it out and give him room to breathe. Work on your guilt and insecruities and if he doesn't want to be with you after that...forget him and find someone worth your time and committment! :)
Good luck!
Thank you!