Please help - I've ruined everything!
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| Thu, 09-02-2004 - 5:51am |
Basically a few days after we broke up my period was due but didn't come - I'm usually really regular. I mentioned it casually to a friend but wasn't too worried because I was feeling stressed and not eating properly and I know that effects it.
Anyway it still hadn't come a few weeks later so I started to get really worried and considered telling Josh. My friend told me not to because there was no point in worrying him for no reason and said I should do a test first which i agrees with because i didn't want him to be feeling as scared as I was. especially since we weren't even together and I thought it might make everything more complicated. i just didn't want to make him worry before he had to.
Anyway so we got back together and 2 days later I finally plucked up the courage to do a test. I did the 2 in the packet and they were both REALLY unclear. By this point I was freaking out and just wanted to talk to him about it. My friend took me to the doctors and she did a test and it turns out I'm not pregnant. That night I told Josh that I had done the test and what had happened but that everything was ok. I thought he had a right to know. He said he was fine about it as long as I was ok but said he wished I told him when I was first late so he could have been there for me. I apologised and i thought everything was ok.
BUT last night I spoke to him on the phone and even though he said he was ok I could tell something was wrong. He had really badly sprained his ankle that day and said it was that so I went over to see him and took him some painkillers. He kept saying he was fine but was acting a bit strange. I was about to leave and he went 'you really freaked me out last night'. Anyway then we got in this huge thing about it and he's really really angry and upset that i didn't tell him. I tried explaining that I just didn't want him to worry like I was or to feel like he had to do or say anything he didn't mean. It's not like I didn't tell him eventually, I just wanted to be sure of what i was telling him before I did.
He was also really upset that i told Louise but not him. Its not like that. I mentioned to her in passing that I was late and she kept asking if i'd come on then convinced me to take my head out of the sand and do a test. He said he should have been the first person I told because even if we were split up he still would have been supportive and still thought of me as his best friend and thought we could tell each other everything. It really upset me because I was trying to do the right thing. it was so hard for me not to tell him, I wanted to so much and the only person I wanted with me in the doctors or when i was doing the test was him! But I was trying to make things easier for him and it has majorly backfired.
And now he's mad and upset and not talking to me. I know that it must have really freaked him out and everything I felt for the last 3 weeks he's feeling all in one go but it was really hard for me and all I want him to do is give me a hug and tell me it'll be ok. Does that sound stupid. I was so scared and really confused and I thought I was doing the right thing by not making him worry about it until I knew for sure but now I've messed everythign up and I'm scared I'm going to lose him again.
Was I being a complete bitch for not telling him sooner? Or should I not have told him at all?
Please help. Sorry this is so long. I was so happy and now I'm just feeling stupid and I know I've really hurt him.
Yolande
xxx

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Carrie
Don't be so hard on yourself. You did what you thought was best at the time. Perhaps your boyfriend is the type of guy who really would've wanted to know, but you withheld the information to protect him. You weren't trying to hurt him.
Instead, you took on quite an emotional load upon yourself. You worried and had to deal with possibly being pregnant with one friend to confide in and support you. That is not an easy thing to go through. Has your boyfriend acknowledged any of what you were going through for that month on your own? If not, then he is being selfish in worrying about his own reactions/feelings and not considering your position.
I would let him contact you. In the meantime, spend some time with your friends and family. Go shopping, see a movie...whatever you enjoy to keep your mind off of your boyfriend and his feelings for the time being. He asked for space...I think you should give it to him, even though it is hard for you to do that right now.
Jill
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