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Please help me
| Sat, 07-26-2008 - 1:57am |
Some one please help me on this i be breif i am married with two grown kids 23years old and 20years old the problem is i suffering menopause and i did separate from my husband of 28years met at 15yers old now i am 46 the problem is i fell in love witha family friend of ours well my daughters he is a kind wonderful mature guy who i wish i could spend the rest of my life with i fell deeply in love with him and he did me.The problem is i back with husband now for 6months cant seem to get the spark back i love him but not inlove with him more careing i guess you could say now i am torn between two men i love so very much the question is what to do follow my heart or my head my hubby is a good person apart from paranoid personality disorder he calls me nasty names not anymore for a long time he did thought i was cheating on him all the time and now i am very depressed thinking of ending my own life its that bad i just want to be happy again i have no chemistry with hubby but lots of chemistry with the other man but he is only 27years old but they say age dont matter anyway someone please advise me should i stay and try and love my husband again i go and be happy with this young guy>>>>>>>>>

Hi Bunny bear. I don't have a lot of detail of what really happened here,but I can tell by your writing that you are very distraught. So, you left your husband of 28 years and had an affair with a much younger family friend? And now for some reason you did not say why, you are back trying to work things out with your husband.
I am 46 as well and dating a 38 year old (well we broke up a week ago or more now). So although I agree age should not matter in principle I think a couple will run in to issues because they will be at different stages of their lives at different times that can make long term hard. He is only 5 years older then your chilren. So what can a man of that maturity really offer you long term. Tou are going through menopause. I'm only at the start of that so not sure how that impacted your break up. I had very long periods that sometimes got in the way of sex but,,,, You say your husband has a paranoid personality disorder. For how long? Has he had it through out your marriage?
At this point from what I know I will say that having an affair with a close family friend is kind of a double betrayal. And if he has this disorder even more so. I'm surprised he is willing to try to work this out with you. I would also think this would be confusing for you daughters even though they are grown as he was a "family friend" and close to their age.I'm not sure what their relationship with their father is but they could find this to be quite a betrayal too.
My advise is that you and your husband go to a marriage counsellor if he is willing. Does your husband still love you? There is a book called The five love languages by Gary Chapman that another board member recommended to me. It may help you to understand both of your relationships a little better. Also you can't have them both. If you are trying to work on this with your husband then you need to not see or talk to this other man while trying to do so. Also think about this. When he is 37 and you are 56 it could be alot harder to relate. You have some hard decisions to make. Stay grounded and seek the help you need.
As for your wanting to end your own life.... I work around people who feel that way all the time at one of my jobs.All I can say is that is NOT the answer. Things always get better at some point.Dead is pretty final and you leave your loved ones (your daughters) in a very bad place.You have helped to create this dilema, you need to stick around and solve it. Maybe you don" love your husband anymore and things won't work out ,but if it were me I would bet on the relationship that has been there for 28 years.Take an honest look, get some outside help and see.... Take care