Please help me

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2004
Please help me
3
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 10:29am
I am in a relationship that started w/ my bestfriend, and not under the most honest circumstances. When he fell for me I was w/ my bf for 6yrs and he convinced me to leave him and start over with my bestfriend who fell in love with me and I had feelings for him too. My bestfriend convinced me I was in a co-dependent relationship and that I wasn't really in love. Our beginning was amazing we were in sync and on the same wavelength. He showered me w/ gifts for no reason, attention, told me I was beautiful and special. Now it has been 3 yrs w/ my bestfriend and we have been through some crazy life changes together, and our relationship has changed for the worst bc of his habits. He is irresponisble plays video games online all day and night and has created a job to make money doing it. We fight if I ask him to go out with me and he calls me names and puts his fists through the doors and throws things at the walls. He calls me every name in the book. And he tells me it is my fault I drive him to this destructive behavior. I am sick of it all, but I can't kick him out I can't afford rent by myself. What do I do? Do you have any advice for me to deal with this mess of my life? and is there any hope for us? I still love him, but every nasty name and every hole in my wall is making me resent him more daily. Help!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 11:59am
How can you love someone who treats you like that? That is what my friends would aske me when I was trying to hold on to my last relationship. He was verbally abusive and did all kinds of other stuff that I shouldn't have put up with. Loving someone does not justify tolerating certain behavior. If you can't afford rent alone, maybe you can put an ad out for a roomate until you can stand on your own.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 12:24pm
u are wasting your time with this guy...his behavior will not change, and u probably know all that. i don't see you saying you want to stay with him, etc etc...which is good. perhaps some counseling would do you good. but in the meantime, figure something out to get him OUT- can you move back in with your parents? a friend? get a new roommmate? where there is a will, there is a way...time for you to get rid of this guy, and fast!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 1:25pm
Hon, this guy is abusive.... you are in an abusive relationship. Just because he hasn't gotten physical with you, doesn't mean it's not abusive.

::he tells me it is my fault I drive him to this destructive behavior.

BLAMING you for HIS behavior, classic.

Reading material to consider:

The Secret of Overcoming Verbal Abuse: Getting Off the Emotional Roller Coaster and Regaining Control of Your Life -- Albert Ellis

Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft

Men Who Hate Women, and the Women Who Love Them, Dr. Susan Forward

No Visible Wounds: Identifying Nonphysical Abuse of Women by Their Men by Mary Susan

The Verbal Abusive Relationships by Dr. Patricia Evans

Healing the Scars of Emotional Abuse -- Gregory L. Jantz

First, consider two things 1) finding a roommate and 2) counseling


Carrie