Please help me.
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Please help me.
| Mon, 06-07-2004 - 4:46pm |
I'm not sure what it is whether it be jealousy or inability to relate, maybe even immaturity- though I doubt that last one. Anyway, I can't seem to get past this horrible feeling of irritation with my boyfriend's youngest daughter. She has to be with him every second. She's 9. She won't even go into another room without him, she sleeps in his room. She use to sleep in the bed, then it was (a compromise I suggested) sleeping on a pallet in the living room Fri & Sat. nights so that it felt like a camp out. Which somehow turned into Fri, Sat, & Sun. But only if she slept in her room without argument the rest of the week. She sleeps fine at her moms house, every night of the week she spends there. They have joint custody. But now that summer is here and school is out she is on the pallet in the floor EVERY NIGHT. There's always an excuse. The thunder scares her, (that was this weeks). Every time he calls me on the phone she is right there in the background talking or listening... so we can't even have a conversation. She can't be in a room alone, she too scared but of what she don't know. She don't believe in ghosts or monsters, and the dark doesn't scare her, but she walks through the house turning on all the lights as she goes. She bats her eyes and he does whatever she wants. I'm 29 never been married and don't have kids. But I'm decent with my friends children. I just believe in discipline (not as harsh as my parents, but not as lenient as today's parents with their time outs and 'what do YOU think your punishment should be?) I think you're the parent and you need to BE the parent not make deals with your children. My parents didn't with me and I turned out all right. Anyway, since I'm not married and don't have children, maybe I don't know what's best. So what I'm asking is am I really as horrible as I feel because I don't seem to be able to bond with my boyfriend's children?

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After going through a divorce and dating a few divorced men I can only suggest that you find someone else who is ready for what you want.
In your situation your BF is not even really divorced from his ex yet. He has to put a bad marriage past him and take time to heal before he is really ready for someone else.
He also has to re-establish how he and the kids will get on with their life. It takes kids time to settle into new routines - the behavior you are describing is a good example of what kids do when they are upset with their routine/life - you will not change it with rules - you will only make it worse - they need a lot of love and reassurance right now and will grow in their own time. The dad also needs to learn to set boundaries but he has to learn this on his own.
It will be a long time if ever that he can give you what you need, in my opinion. If I was you, I would bail.
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