Please Help me

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
Please Help me
2
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 3:50pm
I have been with the same man for over two years now. We are perfect together. We spend everyday together and hardly ever argue. Bascially, we are perfect together, but there is one huge problem. When I started college, I was premiscious for a while. I had low self esteem and didn't know how to act. I was very ignorant to a lot of things and made stupid choices. I have changed so much and am so much more mature now, but my partner has a hard time dealing with the fact that I had been with other men. It hurts him to think about it and i dont know what to do. I want to start planning for my future and so does he, and we want to be together, but I need to find a way to help him get over my past. Does anybody know how i can help him, or how he can help himself. Please help me!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
In reply to: jigga901
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 3:56pm
You really can't help him....it's something he needs to do for himself. Everyone has a past. Your life did not start the day you met him. As long as you are faithful and completely honest with him, your past should not affect his love for or acceptance of you. If you start bending over backwards to downplay your past indiscretions and you start catering to his insecurity now, you'll end up being bitter toward him in the long run. you'll never feel like you measure up or like anything you do can override your past. You need to let him know that while you may regret past actions, you can't change them. Tell him that you've grown and matured, but if he can't accept that then there is nothing more to say. You can't correct other people's insecurities. You can only control your actions, and you newfound confidence and reformed ways show that you are quite capable of controlling your actions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
In reply to: jigga901
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 5:51pm

Unfortunatley, we all have done things in the past we may regret, but thats what makes us human beings. What we with what we learn from those mistakes is what makes or breaks us...it sounds like you've matured..like you said, that was awhile ago.


What bothers me and what you SO may not realize, is that no matter who he dates is likely to have had a past, or past lovers. Its what happens as we age and he is letting his insecurities get the best of him. As much as you should reassure him that he its him you love, Im not sure how healthy or helpful that may be in the long run... as much as i beleive relationship s need to be nurturing, im not sure you are doing him any favors by giving in to this. He needs to learn that you are with him, and only him...the past is the past...