Please help me
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Please help me
| Sun, 03-14-2004 - 9:08am |
I love my fiance more than I can even begin to tell you. He owns his own business and doesn't get much time to himself. He has a home office. Last night, I told him that sometimes it feels as though his business is more important to him than I am. I know that's not true but sometimes you just need to be reminded, you know? He was very upset when he heard that and made sure I knew how important I am. The problem is how do we fix it? It's become a bigger problem to him that it is to me. He doesn't know how to take time away from work to spend more with me without work suffering. If he doesn't concentrate on work we won't have enough money to pay our expenses and everything he's worked for disappears. He says he feels he's already lost me. I tell him we're in this together and I'm fully committed to doing whatever we need to do to make the business succeed along with our relationship. He feels as though he's in a very tough spot and doesn't see how it will all work out. He's frustrated with the business and doesn't like being in front of a computer for 16 hours anymore than I like him doing that. He says he's scared and so am I. I asked him to remind me every once in a while how important I am to him. He asked how long it would take for me to get tired of that? I have no intention of leaving him and. Any suggestions or questions? I'm not sure if anyone can follow the situation with what I've written. Thank you.

My only suggestion would be that maybe you could help him in his work some so you two could share that. Or maybe he could hire someone for the less important tasks. There are ways to share quality time without its having to be focused exclusively on one's loved one. I would investigate as many of these as you can. I would also schedule time for yourselves individually and together. Let's face it, he's only human. Studies show that 10 minute "power" naps greatly improve productivity. If he develops "tunnel vision" it's probably going to be tough for him to really give it his all. It's better, from my experience, to balance physical, mental, social, etc. His brain will work better and faster if he gets physical exercise. If there's just NO time, I would consider down-sizing, delegating and something. One's life is just as important as one's business, unless it's just a temporary sacrifice for a larger goal in the future. I'd be careful of that also, however, because next year can turn into 10 years from now.
However you decide to deal with your immediate problem, though, it does sound like you have a good, solid relationship that you're right to stay with. It's refreshing to hear that he's understanding about your concerns. Best of luck to you!
Unfortunatley, sometimes when we are a business owner, it requires more time than we had hoped it would to make it succeed. It also requires alot of patience and commitment from both parties to make a relationship work through this also. I dont deny that hearing how much you mean to someone makes you feel worthwhile, but you also need to be secure enough in the relationship to know that without having to hear it all of the time.That way, your SO doesnt feel like he needs to constantley reaaurring you.At the same time, while he is trying to make you feel more secure with things, you too need to try harder to support him.
Best Wishes,