please help me!
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please help me!
| Sun, 02-22-2004 - 12:17pm |
Hello, anybody out there who's with a "busy" boyfriend?
It is 2.5 years in our relationship. Things were great and exciting as a new couple, until this past year. I guess I've gotten too comfortable with him - shared my family problems, spoke before I think first, etc. We've broken up twice during the last 6 months. The first breakup was because he's not "in love" with me anymore. Of course I was crushed. We got back together a week after that, and it was emotional hell for me because there were no "3 words" from him anymore. He turned into a different person and I always worried whether he really cares. The second time we broke up was during christmas break - he thought I was too needy and said that the relationship haven't been better (sadly true). At that time I was almost ready to accept and let him go (I cut out all of my fave pictures of us and made a collage for him for his b-day). When he came over to pick up his b-day present, I was crying and we went into my room so my family couldn't see us bawling. I guess that night was emotional for him too - he was crying and said it's harder than he thought (maybe seeing pictures of us on my wall convinced him?), he also said he might be making a mistake by breaking up...so we got back together. He finally told me he loved me (after months of drought!). I was so so happy, because I have always loved him and finally wanted to here those words again. He also told me that it's going to be busy for him in the next few months (tax season). He is a an accountant, working everyday, also has this set schedule for workout classes 5 times a week. Things were good since, he tries to call me everyday and made time to see me whenever he can. We say I love you to each other every day. I see him on average once every 2 weeks (if I can spend a good full day with him). He only called me once this week because he was busy working. Last night he didn't call me (I thought he was working, but he went to his friend's house to play games after his workout session) but called me this morning instead. The problem is, I'm starting to really worry about him, because this morning he asked if he would still be my friend if we broke up! Now, why would he ask that if he really have an intention to make this long-term?? I said I don't know, and asked if there's anything wrong, and he said "not really" and said that he's been neglecting me. He asked to think about it and tell him later. I don't know what to say. He did warn me that it will be busy for him, and I'm trying to give him the time he needs. People tell me the "honeymoon's over" after awhile when couples stop having the "buring desire" to see each other. I worry that he might be thinking of breaking up with me again because of "no time". This is an awkward stage because I'm still in school and he just graduated and started working. What to do?? Am I making a mountain out of a mole hill? Is this just an obstacle?
It is 2.5 years in our relationship. Things were great and exciting as a new couple, until this past year. I guess I've gotten too comfortable with him - shared my family problems, spoke before I think first, etc. We've broken up twice during the last 6 months. The first breakup was because he's not "in love" with me anymore. Of course I was crushed. We got back together a week after that, and it was emotional hell for me because there were no "3 words" from him anymore. He turned into a different person and I always worried whether he really cares. The second time we broke up was during christmas break - he thought I was too needy and said that the relationship haven't been better (sadly true). At that time I was almost ready to accept and let him go (I cut out all of my fave pictures of us and made a collage for him for his b-day). When he came over to pick up his b-day present, I was crying and we went into my room so my family couldn't see us bawling. I guess that night was emotional for him too - he was crying and said it's harder than he thought (maybe seeing pictures of us on my wall convinced him?), he also said he might be making a mistake by breaking up...so we got back together. He finally told me he loved me (after months of drought!). I was so so happy, because I have always loved him and finally wanted to here those words again. He also told me that it's going to be busy for him in the next few months (tax season). He is a an accountant, working everyday, also has this set schedule for workout classes 5 times a week. Things were good since, he tries to call me everyday and made time to see me whenever he can. We say I love you to each other every day. I see him on average once every 2 weeks (if I can spend a good full day with him). He only called me once this week because he was busy working. Last night he didn't call me (I thought he was working, but he went to his friend's house to play games after his workout session) but called me this morning instead. The problem is, I'm starting to really worry about him, because this morning he asked if he would still be my friend if we broke up! Now, why would he ask that if he really have an intention to make this long-term?? I said I don't know, and asked if there's anything wrong, and he said "not really" and said that he's been neglecting me. He asked to think about it and tell him later. I don't know what to say. He did warn me that it will be busy for him, and I'm trying to give him the time he needs. People tell me the "honeymoon's over" after awhile when couples stop having the "buring desire" to see each other. I worry that he might be thinking of breaking up with me again because of "no time". This is an awkward stage because I'm still in school and he just graduated and started working. What to do?? Am I making a mountain out of a mole hill? Is this just an obstacle?

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Did he tell you he loves you but isn't in love with you or do you feel that way?
you on the other hand, was always there for him. if he didn't have the "busy" problem, you would drive 100 miles just to see him, even if meant only an hour. you've always loved him, and probably always will when things are over. you can't get over the fact that you were so close last week, and can't figure out why he's acting so distant this week. and believe me its a cycle, a pattern that doesn't seem to break. he's never just stable enough. you can't get over the memories you guys have shared, you remember exactly what happened the first time he held your hand, kissed your lips, and fell asleep next to you... and the first time he said "i love you". it bring tears to your eyes to think about what you had.
hellO! that's what you HAD. do you have it now? no. how many months has it been since you've started having problems? did you think he was gonna sort his things out when he asked you back out? no. he broke up with you again. doesn't that tell you that he's NOT SURE of what he wants? he could love you, but is he in love with you like you are with him?
every responses for you that i've read applies to me. everything i tried to apply to you is how i feel. tell me how similar we are. all the responses i've read, i know they are right. yet its easier for me to recognize the truth in those words because again, it is your situation after all. i know if i was you, i would have a hard time dealing with letting go. but oh wait, we DO have the same situation, and i AM having a hard time letting go. anyway... i saw the point of it though. its just hurting myself. i am doing something about it. im starting to try to let go, to recognize that this is over, and currently i am ignoring him, getting some space for me to think about who i am, what i want... etc. so yeah im taking this break from HIM.
doesn't mean i don't cry about him... doesn't mean when i see him at school, i can walk away easily without wanting to hold him. but it does mean that i know i deserve someone better, someone who's dying to spend every free minute with me... now tell me you don't want that.
i just hope through giving you support, i can find my own strength. good luck to the both of us. move on when it's time to, love can only work if the both of you are in it together.
I don't know exactly what you're asking for, but I suspect it has something to do with closure. You'd at least like him to have the decency to say it's over, or why, or something, not just keep giving you hope. Unfortunately, these boys don't have much back bone either, and they certainly don't want to bother with anything "messy", tears and such. So you probably won't get much satisfaction as far as his involvement, unless he wants something at that moment. You're probably going to have to chalk it up to experience. Best wishes.
if you guys are meant to be im sure one day when timing is right you guys would be together. if not then time will let you see, give you a closure and you will surly move on. it's not a time to mourn or regret, or worry about what's gonna happen in the future. live your life now because you are free again, and you live for yourself. that's great to know that you can be happy for yourself and no one else.
my bf and i broke up last night too. well ex-bf, lol. we both saw it coming, and we've been together for 9 and half months. but yes it's finally over, and even though i think about our memories often, but they are just memories. there are more opportunities - take this chance and do things for yourself. don't live in the past. and also, this is yours first relationship, you have nothing else to compare it to. life is about experiences and it doesn't hurt to find out what it's like being with someone else. good luck!
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