Please Help ME!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2007
Please Help ME!!!
48
Sat, 07-07-2007 - 3:25pm

I have been married to my husband for almost six years, we have two children, I am a full time student, and he's starting school in the fall. I have NO DESIRE to have sex at ALL! He is comlpaining about intimacy, and refuses to do anything intimate other than sex. I dont want sex, I dont have any desire to have sex, and I have much more important things to do with my time. He always asks for it at the worst times, which just makes me feel discusted and used. To me, it seems that he places a value on sex that is way to high. In fact, he stated that if it doesnt change, and there is still a problem in a few years, he would consider divorce or cheating. That says to me that sex is only about him getting off, which turns me off even more. I dont think that a marriage should be based on sex, nor should it be as important as other issues. I also think that sex should not even be in the mix for what makes a happy marriage. Sex is an added bonus that is not needed for a successful marriage; love, trust, and faithfulness are.

We have tried to discuss it and have purchased a book on the subject. We did an excersise out of it were we had to list our favorite sexual stuff. His list compromised of things that people buy hookers for. Again, I felt discusting and used. I wanted to cry. I dont want to lose my husband, but I dont want to feel forced into doing things that I dont want to do.

Any suggestions as to solve this problem?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2007
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 11:35am

Yes I give him specific romantic ideas. I've mentioned them several times in our discusions.

I have looked into marriage counseling, and unfourtunatly, right now, it's not finacially feasable for us. We dont have insurance, and money is VERY tight. Is there any books that you recommend? I was thinking about getting two that I saw at barnes and noble, called the "sex starved marriage" and another one that I cant remember the name of, and 30 bucks is easier for us to shell out than over 100 an hour.

The doctor that I am going to go to is through the health department for our city. They have a clinic for low income women for OB/GYN care. I am making my husband go with me, so that his opinions are expressed through him, and not me. I'm also going to make arrangements for the kids not to attend, or atleast I hope to.

Thanks for changing your opinion about my marriage. I am stressed out and tired, but I want to make my husband happy, and he wants to make me happy. I will never stop trying to improve my marriage, it's to important to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 2:35pm

Welcome to the board floralie,


You've gotten some good advice already.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2007
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 2:42pm
Thanks for the welcome...:). yea, I did get some good advice. I do plan on getting that book as soon as I have the funds, and I am going to see the doctor in a few weeks.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 8:29pm

In the meantime, why not see if your local library has some of those books, esp the Five Love Languages one?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2007
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 8:35pm
I'll send my husband in tomorrow to see. He doesnt have reservations about that. I dont want weird stares.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 9:02pm
What kind of weird stares are you anticipating? Unless your mother-in-law is the librarian, no one is going to care what you check out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2007
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 9:59pm
i'll be getting a book about sex, and another about raltionships..i think i'll get weird stares. And if it was my mother in law, I would be fine with it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 10:04pm
But you won't be the only person who has ever checked those books out--after awhile, librarians have to run out of those weird stares. If you are really concerned, get a bunch of all unrelated books--one about Italian cooking, and another about camping, and another about scrapbooking--along with the two you really want, and no one will have any idea whether something is weird or not.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 07-10-2007 - 11:55am
Then consider buying the sex one online at Amazon, it will be delivered to your door and no one will know what's in it....
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-10-2007 - 5:19pm

Seriously? Then don't get the sex-related books at the library, get the relationship ones like Five Love Languages.

Sheri