Please Help me, Confused about guy
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Please Help me, Confused about guy
| Wed, 03-03-2004 - 12:25am |
I'm kinda new to this board but would like some help on this guy that i'm totally into. We've known each other for 8 years, i'm 25 and he is 26. I recently moved back to town like 4 months ago and we ended up going out one night and having a great time. I spent the night at his house and things kinda blossomed. The only bad thing is that his religion forbids us to be together and so it's kinda a secret. While it's kinda a secret many people know about us and he's even told people about us being together, which could get him into major trouble with the church. Anyway, i know he's been under a lot of stress lately and his moods go from good to horrible. He has really withdrawn from me. Anyway after a talk we both agreeded to back off for a bit, but he always comes to where I work and tells me to drop by his house. I don't feel comfortable just dropping by his house without letting him know. Anyway, his neighbor has been saying some horrible things about him lately and he even confrotned me this past sunday in a very angry manner saying that i believed the rumors, he didn't even give me a chance to tell him that i don't believe the rumors. I tried to go by his house and see when he was home last night but from 7 till 10 he was not home, i wanted to talk to him about all this yet i still havent' and he didn't come into the store tonight so that i could talk to him. I truly like this guy and he's told me that he really wants me to but i'm not sure what to do, i'm a shy person and he can be intimdating right now with his attitude. What should I do to try and get this relationship on track????????
Please Help.

you gotta understand, religion is very important to some people, at varying times to varying degrees - if his whole entire world would go against him if he pursued you further, can you just imagine the ongoing problems????
why would you deliberately walk into a situation that heated? you'll never have peace with this guy or his family is your more-than-friends relationship continues.
dont' encourage him to disrespect his religion when he's obviously not comfortable doing so.
^^^^^ but that's what you said in your first post. how can two you have come to a conclusion about that?
what was the conclusion?
not sure if i understand - are you saying that he is willing at times to have sex with you, but other than that, there is no "relatinship"?
so basically, he doesn't really "buy" what his religion dictates, i.e., he doesn't really BELIEVE In it, but he is not man enuf to stand up to his parents/family/church/mosque/synagogue/whatever and say "I do not believe". so he will *be* with you in secret, but never out in the open. ever.
in addition to that, he is a moody man
in addition to that, he loses his temper and is verbally abusive to you
in addition to that, he is an intimidating person.
hmmmm.
doesn't really sound like a very "nice guy" to me. and doesn't really sound like a good basis for any kind of healthy mature relationship.
if you are willing to carry on, accepting whatever crumbs of affection/sex he will dole out to you, while ignoring his *moodiness* - that is your choice.
His moods I understand because right now he is torn between what he wants to do. He's getting pressure from his family and the church to finally settle down and get a girlfirend, but yes he doesn't agree with a lot of what the church says he should do. He's torn between a hard place and rock. Now your probably all thinking what type of religion is this, well to let you all in i will give you a hint, they are known as the plain people. So while sometime's he is moody and can be intimdating, it's nothing that I worry about, he's always been there for me when I needed him, and i think I have to get use to the fact he's the type of person that will tell you how it is, while i like that since i was in an abusive relationship before i got with him, i get hurt by some of his ways of saying things.
So since he does say to stop by his house, and last sunday I did stop by and visit with his sibilings he was not home. When I was getting ready to leave he showed up. Since my friend had to get home, I didn't have time to stay and chat with him, I waved and left. Then I seen him later that day and he asked why I didn't stick around and i told him that i had to leave and he was acting like he was going to go horseback riding so i didn't want to impose on him. He said you could of stayed for a couple minutes and i said no i couldn't. He was like yes you could of it made me feel like since I got home you wanted to leave. which it not true, he keeps twisting things around on me. What do I do to try and talk to him.... Not about church just talk to him.
Carrie