Please help me! Confused about him

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Please help me! Confused about him
2
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 4:44pm
This guy that i am seeing and have been seeing for one month and something like 14 days is going really well. He saw me one day coming out of his shop and called me up a few days later and asked me out on a date. I never knew the guy, but i could have sworn that i knew what he looked like. I thought he was gross looking, unatractive, completly. So i humored him and continued to talk to him, i didn't want to hurt him as he just got a divorce. Anyway we talked a few times a week and i liked our conversations. Plus a part of me thinks that i continued talking to him because i was lonely for some male attention. Anyway one weekend i actually calle dhim up and said that i would go out with him. I figured why not, i didn't have any plans and it sounded like somethign that i needed. We went out and he was alot better looking than i thought, the date went really well. I went home after the date and the next day i went to his house to say hello, which i think was odd considering how i felt about him. That night i stayed at his house but we didn't do anything we just cuddled. Which was nice. Since that night i have stayed at my place two nights and the rest at his. Things have been going very fast, which i am not to comfortable with. i just could'ent stay away, all those weeks. I don't know what came over me, i can't explain it. yes i admit that there are certain things that don't like about him, for example he is a little short for me, he's been divorced, etc. but there are things that i really like about him. He already told me that he has fallen in love with me, i didn't know what to say, i said 'are you sure' it's only been a month and he said of course, i love everything about you. He's confident in our relationship and could'ent be happier. I know you guys are going to think i am nuts but we've even discussed haveing a child together, and we are even trying and have been for a few weeks. Why would i want to have a child with him if i wasn't confident. The last thing i want to do is raise a baby on my own. He is really excited. I love alot of things about him such as we both want the same things in llife, we both hve a great sense of humor, there are just so many things that we are alike. I look forward to coming home to him every night after work, i look forward to all the time that we have to spend with each other. I have even introduced him to all my family. I don't know why i am confused, the way i feel, i really should'ent be. I should be happy that i have found someone to love and someone to love me back. What is my problem. Why am i so sceptacle of this guy. Sometimes i feel that i could do better and that he isn't the last fish in the sea, i will find someone who i will love completly.

Please help me

Carrie

i would also appreciate any emails

cmavism@aol.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 5:11pm
Isn't this going a little fast? He's overwhelming you with his emotions and you aren't listening to the little voice inside your head. You are pushing it away....that's denial. If you have a baby with this man (with or without marriage) chances are you won't be happy and you will be posting something like "I knew all along that he wasn't the one, but I did it anyway." Why?

Consider getting some short-term counseling to help you know yourself better, build your self-esteem and figure out what you really want BEFORE you get preg.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 5:43pm
Please think long and hard about bringing a child into the world with a man whom you are skeptical of, who is short with you (how bad is it?), and who you don't love or know.

'The last thing i want to do is raise a baby on my own'.

Then use birth control. People who are married and have been for a while should be responsible about bringing children into the world. You don't even know this person well.

Where will the child be raised? Where will you live? Are you getting married soon?Do you know his family and friends well? Does he know yours? Has it been a long time since his divorce?

"I look forward to coming home to him every night after work, i look forward to all the time that we have to spend with each other."

And you want to add a baby to this now? Trust me. A child adds a lot of stress and tests the strongest and happiest of relationships. I can't imagine getting to know someone at the same time that I was raising a child with him.

"Sometimes i feel that i could do better and that he isn't the last fish in the sea, i will find someone who i will love completly."

So you don't love him completely. That makes sense since you don't know him.

Please go back on birth control while you figure this out!